Thursday, July 24, 2003

It's a sad day here in the Johnson Hacienda. Mr. and Mrs. James Brown are getting a divorce. Sad really, but they announced their split in the pages of Daily Variety. I know it was probably meant well, but come on. Plus, the photo in the ad was taken at Disneyworld. Looking at the photo, I can see why the wedding was off. I've heard many stories about Goofy and his prowness with the women. The stories about the Goofman, according to Hollywood legend, make him the most quietly celebrated lover, rivaling only Warren Beatty, Errol Flynn, Speedy Alka Seltzer and Colin Farrell. I can't reveal some of the things I was told, as I promised Bob Hope, who was his long time golfing partner, to his death, which I hope will never happen. Needless to say, Goofy will continue to ruin marriges like the Browns and break in new stars, as he did Jennifer Garner, as long as there is Hollywood.

Y'all know I wasn't kidding about most of this, right?

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