Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I Wanna Doggie

To cure me of my not gettin' any Valentine's Day blahs, I decided to watch the The Westminster Dog Kennel Show on USA last night. I have to tell you, those were some good looking animals I saw last night. Which tells me more and more I'm missing something in life. I want a dog.

Now, I know I'm gonna piss off some cat people out there, but you know what? PHSSH. Cats care for no one but themselves. They are evil, self-centered bitter little sneaks who think putting a dead rat on your bed after they toyed with it all night will get you to come to the dark side. No, give me a pal. A sidekick. A partner in crime who'll have your back. A canine Kato to my Britt Reid.

I don't want any ordinary dog, either. My dog has to be smart. Not Mr. Peabody smart. Just enough to know when to go outside to pee and when I'm having a bad day at the doctors. He can jump on the couch with me to watch tv and know not to bug me when I'm watching "Scrubs". They can sleep on the other side of the bed, that is unless they start with the farting or unless I bring a date home. It's more than likely they could hog the bed for the most part.

As for what kind of dog, I have no idea what works for me. I don't want a pretty dog. My brother Martin has pretty dogs. They're cute and lovely and adorable and he has children and that works for him. I also don't want a bulldog or a pitbull. I look tough enough as it is. The last thing I want is to walk down the street and give an old lady a heart attack.

Nope, I'm gettin' a mutt. 57 varieties. With a blue eye and a brown eye and a crooked smile. With his own personality. Humble and honest. I'm gonna call him Earl. Earl Hoffert, that's his full name. None of those fancy names like Spot or Comet. I just one one of theose dogs that could just be one of the guys. We could go out walking, or take a drive in the car and hit the road. Somebody I could talk to after having a long day or just sit on the stoop and watch the folks walk by. A pal. A good friend.

I'm gonna buy me a dog. Anyone who tells me why cats are better and I'll say one name: Snoopy.


Anonymous said...

Here's a picture of my doggie, Shadow.

Anonymous said...

Sam, Check out my killer here