Sunday, March 06, 2005

Hair Lip

Most of you know I don't talk about race much here. I try to keep things to a medium here, as not to upset anyone. But, there is something I need to bring up that disturbs me: Moustaches on white guys.

What happened here, fellas? I remember when you guys wore them they looked good on you. Only the best wore them William Powell, Clark Gable, Ceasar Romero (yeah, he was Latin, but still). The Last Great White Guy Moustache belongs to Tom Selleck. He rocked that fuzzpatch all the way through "Magnum, P.I.". Always trim, thick and neat. He would be the the standard of what a white guy's moustache should look like.

Then, something happened to where you guys stopped wearing them and the clean look came in. Even Selleck stopped wearing them once in awhile, and his career hasn't been the same since. It was ok not for you to have a catepillar on your lip. And, all was well in the world.

But now, a dangerous presidence has taken place in the world of hair lips. White guys are now wearing them when they shouldn't. They're either too thick or too thin, making the guy look like either a slimy agent or a goon working for Lex Luthor. Ladies and gentlemen, the white guy moustache is on it's way becoming the new mullet.

Now, as for the other races such as Asian, Latino and otherwise, can get away with it IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY. Once you step foot here on good old U.S. soil, it's time to shave off that Fu Manchu or the Dirty Sanchez and get right. You're in AMERICA now, baby.

As for us black folks, we rock that. I don't know how we do it, but dang if we don't do it right. Somehow, we come off as smooth with one, like Billy Dee Williams selling Colt 45. Pencil thin, never over the top, with maybe a little goatee. Ladies like a little fuzz on a brotha. I way mention we look like thugs, but chicks dig thugs, so I guess it's ok, in an tear up the club kinda way.

Now, why don't I wear a moustache? When I married, I carried one around for the longest time. It was nice and trimmed and always clean. I never had food in my 'stache and I always brushed to make me look smart in front of folks. Then, after the divorce hit, I made some changes and took clippers to my upper lip and have since been sans moustache. It's been five years since, but now it's time to return to my roots, although there may be a little salt and pepper in there. I'll wear my moustache in honor of the King Of The Moustache. Burt Reynolds. There is no greater white guy moustache better. Maybe you guys should learn from that.

I hope this post brings us all closer together.


Anonymous said...

Wow. Good commentary, Sam! As for me -- the most I'll ever have above my lip is 5 or 6-day old fuzz...a full 'stache just doesn't look good on me.

Anonymous said...

You are so right. Tom Selleck was never the same after he shaved. You need to post a picture of yourself with your moustache so your fans can see you before and after. :-)

Anonymous said...

When I was in the Navy I grew a 'stache and carried it for about 18 years before I grew tired of it & pulled out the razor. I guess one of these days I might regrow it but I haven't felt the need.

Anonymous said...

Once again, I've taken care of the spelling on this post. When you live dangerously like me, you don't use spell check. Anyway, I have decided to grow out my face hair just to let you guys see me with a 'stache. Maybe it will look good and I'll keep it. I say my other bloggers join my adventure. Male bloggers, that is. I saw a woman in the Social Security office the other day that had one that would make a man scream. It was thick and everything. I mean, why would a woman want to keep facial hair anyway? She also had gray jheri curls too, which didn't get her pretty points, either. That was just one ugly broad, man.

But, I digress.

Look, I started the whole Goth Girl Blog thing. Maybe I could do it with moustaches. What do you say, guys?