Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I'm Goin' To Somebody's Neck Of The Woods And Take Down A Tree Or Two

You really wanna piss me off? Tell me I look like Al Roker. To my face.

I 've before that all of us Black guys look the same, but this is too much. Tell me I look like Eric LaSalle. I look like Shaq. I even look like Gary friggin' Coleman after a bender and a strech rack. But don't tell me I look like Al Roker. I don't hate the guy, but we have a sorrid past. Really.

It happened again today as I was paying my light bill. The lady behind the counter was very nice and possibly meant no harm. As I pulled the money out of my wallet, she said to me in a soft voice, "Has anyone ever told you that you look so much like AL Roker?" I silently stood their for a moment and just stared at her, then said, "Way too many times, ma'am. I can't stand it. I hate it. Since you insulted me, think you can discount my bill and make me feel better?" No joke, right hand to Jeebus. I said that. No discount. I shoulda got it.

Now, I don't wish Al any ill will at all. I just wish he wouldn't be so freindly on tv. You know..Just get buck wild one morning after not getting his first cuppa coffee. That way, he'd be
America's Most Dangerous Weatherman and when folks say I look like him, they would have a sense of fear when I walk up. I'd give a little old gray haired lady her brown back in a sec.

Al and I even have a bit of a past, beleive it or not, which is mostly the reason for my anger. See Al's wife is named Deborah Roberts, who is a reporter for ABC's 20/20. Deborah was born in a little hamlet called Perry, Georgia. Now, there are lots of Roberts there, as most of them are related. Now, my ex-wife Janice Tharpe is from Perry as well. You know where I'm going with this now, don't you?
Good looking woman, huh? Runs in the family.

As it turns out, Jan's mothers maiden name was Roberts and that made Deborah her neice and Jan's cousin. Which made Al her cousin-in law. Which made, that's right, AL MY COUSIN-IN LAW. By the way, Deborah and Jan look alot alike. AKWARD.

Once again, I don't wish Al any ill will at all. He's doin' his thing and I'm doin' mine. He just has a cool tv deal and I have a cool radio deal. I just wonder if folks have ever said to him he looks like me.

Now, here's Al...

And, here's me.

And, here's a photo of Abe Vigoda. Because I liked "Fish".

No comments: