Sunday, November 27, 2005

God Don't Like Ugly, But He Loves Me

I was into my Thanksgiving turkey at work on Thursday, when I saw something on Swan Shadow's site that made me lose my giblets all over the new Madonna CD, which was an improvement...

Sam, the World's Ugliest Dog, has died.

Y'all know I was pissed right? Bet you can't guess why. By the way, S. S., I'm not ticked at you for it. Now, please put me back in your blogroll.

Now, I would post the photo of the dog, but I care about you guys way too much to do that to you. But, lets just say the thing looked like it got dragged behind an ugly truck, which still tied to an ugly leash. Just click the link and see for yourselves. But I warn you, it ain't for the faint of heart.

Now, as most of you know, I love dogs. I wish I could afford to have one right now. I'd want him or her to be as galant and as friendly as anything. I don't want no ugly dog. So, when I find out thet someone has used my cherished name in vain to name some ugly ass pooch, you know I'm gonna get upset. See, I understand if you want to name your dog Sam, if however the dog is brave, funny, or just plain handsome. However, if I find out that you called him Sam because he's just funny looking and you just can't think of another name, then I willl pick that dog up and slap you with it. Hard.

See, y'all would get upset with me if all of a sudden I came up to you with a mutt I picked up from the junkyard. If I had the stomach, I would find the ugliest dog on the planet and take it out for a walk everyday, just to watch folks pass out. Then, if they have the nerve, dare them to ask me it's name.

Man on street: Damn, that is the ugliest dog I have ever seen in my life! Does it even have a name?

Me: Yep. Ya Mama.

M.O. S.: What!?

Me: That's right, I said it. "Ya Mama". That's it's name. Awww, now look. It bit ya. That's what you get for callin' Ya Mama so ugly. You need to stop talkin' so bad about Ya Mama like that. You know, you should love Ya Mama better like that.

So, if you care, and I know that you do, please be nice when you have an ugly animal and think about what you name him. For me, please?

Oh, and one more thing...Stop using my last name to name your body parts. You know what I'm talkin' about.

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