Monday, December 12, 2005


Leave it to Old Pal Dave Hewitt to take a few moments to help me come up with a new post, as I'm stuck here at work listening to Marv Albert calling Monday Night Football. If I die now and his is the last voice I hear, I will haunt him and his toupee for the rest of his days.

At work we were asked to submit our worst Christmas present story. Many people commented that it was really fun. I though I would pass it on.

My worst Christmas Present by Dave Hewitt

My father was notorious for shopping the day before Christmas.Consequently, I received the toys that the other children did not want. One year I was given a toy called 'Pollution Probe'. It was definitely created to make a political statement, not for its play value. Inside was a rather lengthy booklet telling children why they should not pollute and what they could do about it. The booklet was filled with pictures of kids doing the experiments included in the kit and pretending to have fun. The main feature of the kit was a test tube and a tablet enclosed in a foil package. We were instructed to collect a sample of water from a nearby stream and check it for impurities. But I lived in Canada and it was winter. There were no running streams - they were frozen. This toy had no immediate gratification because I could not do the experiment. Pollution Probe also contained a garbage bag. We were asked to go to a park and pickup trash. Again, I was in Canada in the middle of winter. If there was any garbage in a park it was covered up by snow. That Christmas while all the good boys played with their new GI Joes, Isat at home with my very own trash bag. Ironically, my Pollution Probe kit is now in a landfill and it was never used.

Okay, your dad just made that up. He had to. No way would I accept that excuse. "Hey kids! I didn't get you that Evel Kenievel you wanted for the holidays, but I got you this so you can learn how the man is destroying our eco-culture!" I would have just packed up and moved out of the house the day I got that one.

So, what was your worst present? Let me know..

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