Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Sam, the World's Ugliest Dog, has died.
Y'all know I was pissed right? Bet you can't guess why. By the way, S. S., I'm not ticked at you for it. Now, please put me back in your blogroll.
Now, I would post the photo of the dog, but I care about you guys way too much to do that to you. But, lets just say the thing looked like it got dragged behind an ugly truck, which still tied to an ugly leash. Just click the link and see for yourselves. But I warn you, it ain't for the faint of heart.
Now, as most of you know, I love dogs. I wish I could afford to have one right now. I'd want him or her to be as galant and as friendly as anything. I don't want no ugly dog. So, when I find out thet someone has used my cherished name in vain to name some ugly ass pooch, you know I'm gonna get upset. See, I understand if you want to name your dog Sam, if however the dog is brave, funny, or just plain handsome. However, if I find out that you called him Sam because he's just funny looking and you just can't think of another name, then I willl pick that dog up and slap you with it. Hard.
See, y'all would get upset with me if all of a sudden I came up to you with a mutt I picked up from the junkyard. If I had the stomach, I would find the ugliest dog on the planet and take it out for a walk everyday, just to watch folks pass out. Then, if they have the nerve, dare them to ask me it's name.
Man on street: Damn, that is the ugliest dog I have ever seen in my life! Does it even have a name?
Me: Yep. Ya Mama.
M.O. S.: What!?
Me: That's right, I said it. "Ya Mama". That's it's name. Awww, now look. It bit ya. That's what you get for callin' Ya Mama so ugly. You need to stop talkin' so bad about Ya Mama like that. You know, you should love Ya Mama better like that.
So, if you care, and I know that you do, please be nice when you have an ugly animal and think about what you name him. For me, please?
Oh, and one more thing...Stop using my last name to name your body parts. You know what I'm talkin' about.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
I have alot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I have a great job, which has gotten even better since I'm back to doing nights on WIXV-Savannah (I love Rock and Roll!). I'm still breathing, which is a good thing. But most important, I have good freinds like you. Thanks for that. Say, what are YOU thankful for this year?
Monday, November 21, 2005
Everyone Comes to Sam's
Sam's Cafe Americain(So far, a "Casablanca" reference)
Uncle Sam Wants You
Everyone of them has my name in it. So, I came up with these, as well.
Notary Sojac (That goes back to "Smokey Stover" one of my favorite old time comic strips.It means nothing.)
Man Of The Year
It's a Sam, Sam, Sam World
Mad Dog 20/20
So, which one do you like?
An 83 year old man faced a home invasion by theives here. However, you don't break into an 83 year old man's house here in Savannah, Georgia. Not without a good scrap. See, we might look pretty, but we got a good right hook.
I love this city!
Sunday, November 20, 2005
There's kitties out there, too. Don't even get me started on the penguins, people.
Sometimes, you gotta hit folks where it hurts to get the job done.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Okay, are they outta the room? Good.
THE MONKEY IS BACK! AW, SHIT YEAH!
If you ever have us worry again Monkey...Aw, who the Hell am I talkin' to? We're always gonna be here for you, ol' pal. I'm just glad to have you back.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Monkey IS funny. And now, he's back.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
I got it. I didn't want to have to do this, but you all have left me with no recourse but to bring out...
Puppies. That's right, I did it. I'm bringin' out the puppies. See, ain't them puppies cute? Now, you would wouldn't let one of these adorable looking things walk around with out a name now, would you? See, if they went without a name, then they would be NOBODYS. Soon, they would start roaming around town with their cute little faces sad, walking up to folks asking in their cute, little puppy voices, "Can you give us a name?" You don't want them not to have a new name now, would you? Of course not. Liddle-widdle cute thangs. Wook at dat cute face. WOOK AT DAT CUTE FACE!
Now, help me come up with a new name for the site or the puppies will be hurt that you weren't there for them.
Statler: Since the searh for James Bond continues, I'd like to offer my services!
Waldorf: Ha! Licence to kill? You're lucky they gave you a licence to drive!
Statler: For me, a licence to drive IS a licence to kill! HO-ho-ho-ho...
Yes, the balcony still lets the old folks in. Enjoy!
Monday, November 14, 2005
Well, were still looking for a new name, and I'm hunting down a new template. I've gotten a few names to come in, but I'm always looking for something that's perfect for all of this. A couple of them that have been sent in have already been used, so The Drugde Report is out. Until then, I'm dropping the RSJS moniker until a new one is found. Which means, we definitly have to find a new name now. If you've got any ideas, let us know before November 20th, which by then we have some idea of what we've got to work with here. So, until we can think of a new name we'l now be known as...
That'll hold you for now.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
| You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.|
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com
Thanks, Ivan. I'm cooler than you, according to this.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Not a hoax. Not a dream. Not anyone faking it. It's really Bob. Check it out.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
I could really use your help for this one. Especially on the new name. So, I think we're gonna have a contest. I really don't have anything to give away, but I will give you a big hug. If you can think of a new name for us here, we'll run with it. Just post it in the comments or email me at email@example.com and we'll take a poll to see which one you like best. The winner will take the place of the RSJS and be seen everywhere. Please have your ideas in by November 20th so we can start the pollling. I'll have the new look and the winning name up hopefully by late November. Also, let me know what features you like and don't like about here and we'll fix it for the new look. The posts, videos, the boxes, even Carl. I want to make this as easy a read for you a possible. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't be here at all doing this. So, voice your opinion and help me think of a new name. I'll be forever greatfull.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
If I am proud of anything, it's my singing. I was brought up by a woman who taught me how to hit the notes and do it well. I never really looked at a singing career, although I should. I've got a great high baritone/mid tenor voice that I'm proud of, plus I'm pitch perfect, which means that on a good day, I can mimic a lot of singers, from Otis Redding and Ray Charles to John Lennon and Elton John. I'm that damn good.
So last night, I got in some practice by going to a bar where one of my best and oldest friends Patty tends and do some kareoke to keep in shape. If you can just go to a bar where there's karoke and no alcohol, it would be a perfect thing for me, but that'll never happen. Booze and bad singing seem to go together well in some places.
This bar itself was no help pat all. It's called The Captain's Lounge and is the biggest s---hole on the face of the earth, but I go there only because Patty works there. It's filled with rednecks, meth users, losers, crack users and rednecks. The place has no windows because if it did, someone would get thrown out of one at least once a week. Somehow, I have gone through the place a million times without having to throw one punch. With is a good thing, because I'm a lover and not a fighter.
However, after doing a particularly stirring version of "Wanted: Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi, a man who was sitting next to me got out of his seat and told me that I as a pretty good singer. Then, punched me in my left arm and walked away. Hard. It wouldn't have been so bad if this wasn't the arm I just has surgery on and use for dialysis. Actually, they did surgery on both arms and they're more sensitive than ever, thanks to that. Let's just say that I was hurting and honkin' pissed at the same time.
When Patty saw what happened, she was shocked because she knows my temper. When threatened, the Sam Johnson will very politely grab you by the collar and whip you like inflation. He will beat you like a thirteen year old with his first Playboy. He will hit you so hard, Alexander Graham Bell would have to invent the telephone to tell everybody how hard he hit you.
That would not be however, as I've mellowed out since those old days and now have become a pufferfish. You know...They just blow themselves up just to scare the other guys off. That's me these days. I'm too tired to scrap. So, when our boy comes back (let's just call him "Merle", cause that's what he looked like) he just sat down next to me like nothing ever happened, as drunk as a skunk. I then just got close up to him and in a very deep, but soft voice said, "You know Merle, when you punched me in the arm, it hurt. You may not have realized how bad it hurt me, but it did. Now, you don't know me from Adam, Merle. But that hurt. My friends don't punch me in the arm. They don't punch me. Ever. If I were to punch you in the sternum, you would know how much pain my arm is in right now. But I won't punch you in the sternum, Merle. Just never punch me again. Never touch me again. Ever. Or, I will punch you in the sternum. Oh, and thanks for the compliment about my singing."
Merle just sat there with this scared look on his face, realizing that the nicest, most soberest person in the bar just told him he was gonna get his sternum punched. If he knew what and where his sternum was.
Is there a moral to this story? Nope, not really. I just wanted to just let you know I'm doin' okay. Hope you have a good week.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Besides, with all the crap this year has brought us, isn't it time to see The Norelco Santa to put that smile on our face again?
I thought that would do it.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Let's examine this...
Catwoman. Wonder Woman.
Has aged gracefully. So has she.
This is a hard call. All of this just tells me that they don't make 'em like they used to anymore. Will we have the same enduring love we have for these women as we do now for, say, Nikki Cox? Just to prove my point, I'm just going to add one more tv siren from the past.Dawn Wells
Beat THAT in twenty years, girls of Baywatch!
Go back to work now, Dave.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
This happened here in Savannah, where it doesn't surprize me.
He was dressed as a Thundercat. From the sound of the costume, I think it was Cheetara.
He made The Smoking Gun.
His last name was Johnson. This is not my child.