Wednesday, January 25, 2006

My days as a Vandal

As today is my slacker/movie day, I've giving the reigns today to faithful reader Dave Hewitt. By the way, today's flick du' jour is "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back", which still holds up well, unless you never saw any of Kevin Smith's films before. In that case, start with "Clerks" and work your way from there. Plus, it's got Morris Day and The Time, so you know it's good. But, I digress. Here's Dave. Snoogans!

Here is my Toastmaster's speech that I gave today. It went fairly well. (Wait...The friggin' Toastmasters still exists? Dang...Sorry. Go on, Dave.)

When I was in 7th grade I went to a small private school in Toronto.
Since they did not have school buses, I took public transportation home.
Along McGowan Road busses ran regularly, and we never waited for more than
5 minutes. I took that bus over to a road by a small office park and
transferred to a bus on the Huntingwood line. That bus only drove by every
half hour, and I spent a long time waiting at that bus stop. If that bus
ran more frequently, less vandalism would have occurred.

I waited at the bus stop with a Gary Harrison. He was a year younger
than me, and he had a reputation as a bad boy. He once broke a schools
window and let the air out of the French Teacher's tire. I wanted to prove
that I was bad enough to hang out with him, and together we caused
disturbances at the Huntington bus stop.

One day we noticed that the garbage can at the bus stop was completely
filled with paper. The next day, the garbage was still full, but this time
Gary had matches with him. We tried to light a corner of the paper, but
just before it caught fire, the bus came by. The next day the garbage was
still filled with paper. This time Gary carried matches and lighter fluid.
We soaked a corner of a page and lit it. Immediately, the flames danced
two feet in the air. We panicked and quickly smothered the fire. There we
were, a twelve and thirteen year old inside a garbage can jumping up and
down. And then the bus came and took us home before we got into any
One day we found a large collection of coke cans. We placed one on theroad in order to watch a car crush it. I was surprised to see many carscoming to a complete stop and then slowly circumnavigating the can. We made sure the can missed their wheels. Once in a while a young driver sped past us and crunched the can. Then the bus came by and we left before we got into any trouble. The next day we set all the cans on the road. We placed them into a wedge shape. We made a row of little red coke pylons directing cars on to oncoming traffic. Before anything occurred, the bus picked us up. The cans on the road incident seqwayed us to cross the line from mischievous to dastardly.

We found a pair of woman's nylons. We placed a coke bottle into each of the feet. We played with it for a couple of minutes until we discovered 30 feet of duct tape. We tied one end of the tape to the nylons and the other end to a sign on the far side of the road. Then we placed the nylons in the middle of the road. Surprisingly, no cars came the opposite direction for several minutes. Before anything occurred,the bus showed up and drove us home. The very next day Gary and I talked at the bus stop. We completely forgot about the panty hose because it was nowhere in sight. Suddenly a man came out of a building and started yelling at us. He knew that we were responsible for the tape, bottles and nylons, and we knew we did it, but we were not going to confess to him that we did anything. Although he was bawling us out, he gave very little details about exactly what happened. I asked in the best innocent voice I could, "Was there any damage?" He yelled back, "There certainly was!" How I kept a straight face afterthat I will never know. And just as we were getting in trouble, the bus came by and took us home.

I can see those two now at the bus stop now like J&SB. I don't know if their hetero life buddies like those two, but Dave and Gary were having some wild times there. As wild as it gets for kids in Canada. Listening to Loverboy and wishing they could drink a Molson's. Tough Canadian kids. Scared of them. Heh. Oh well... I GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!!!!!! BONNNNNG!

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