Sunday, November 19, 2006

Jumpin' The Couch

As ordered by the local bloggers union #912, I have to post about the Tomkat wedding, called "Movie of the year!" by Time Magazine.

Here are the vows, word for word...

Priest: And now that we are done quoting from page 243 of Battlefield Earth, we shall now do the wedding vows, which Tom and Katie have written themselves. Tom, you first.

Tom: Thank you. I vow to be a good husband this time. I vow to you that I'll be a good father this time. I promise get a better baby toupee for Suri as soon as they build a new one. I'll promise to stay off couches when your folks come over. I promise that Travolta will no longer stay overnights so we can play Maverick and Goose fight the Galactic Confederacy. I vow never to feel up your brother for Body Thetans. You can be as loud as you want the next baby we have. I promise to watch every episode of Suddenly Susan, even the episodes that sucked. I vow to L.Ron that I'll be the best guy in the world for you, Katie. Because, sometimes you have to say what the f***. Because I've got the need. The need for speed. So, respect the c*** and help me help you.

Priest: Thank you, Tom. And now it's your turn, Katie.

Katie(softly): help me...

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