Friday, May 04, 2007

Spider-Man is a Wussy

I'm kinda bummed today. I remembered how much love sucks and the ehll you have to go through when you are in love with someone. Case in point, Peter parker and Mary Jane Watson. On Pete's side in Spider-Man 3, he's doing great. He's on top of his game on the hero side. Folks actually start to appreciate the wall crawler. He even get's the key to New York City. MJ however isn't doing that well. She's just made her Broadway debut and it's not going as well as she thought. But Pete thinks she's doing great and it'll all blow over soon. But it won't. One side has their own vision while another has their side and both don't click. Things are starting to go on the rocks and they break up.

Suddenly, the floodgates open and everyone starts crying for the rest of the film. To paraphrase Tom Hanks in "A League Of Their Own", there's no crying in superhero movies. Batman never cried. The Thing never cired. Wolverine came close, but didn't because he's Wolverine and he is the best that there is. I know that they want to show that comic book charaters have reral emotions, but dang near everone starts crying in the second half of the movie. Peter cries, MJ cries, Harry Osborn cries, Aunt May cries. Even the freakin' villians cry. For the love of God, I know that The Sandman has an emotional connection to his daughter, so I understand that. He's a bad guy with a heart. But Venom? Eddie Brock is a out and out ass. Did he have to cry to make up for the fact that he is a class A jackhole?

I did like Spider-Man 3, don't get me wrong. I recommend this film. I loved the action scenes and seeing a man swing across the New York skyline is still thrilling. However, with all the weepyness, I felt turned off for a bit. I wanted the great story of the first two films, but I didn't feel it this time.You know, that Yo Factor Randy Jackson keeps talking about. I know that the Sam Rami and writer Alvin Sargent worked hard to make this the best film of the trilogy, but this time around it slipped just a bit. Tobey Maguire once again does a good job in his usual dual role, but this time it turns into a sort of quad role as we see a darker side to Spidey and Peter. In this film's Pete's Life montage, we see him strutting dowen the street, giving the Issac from The Love Boat move to all the ladies on the avenue, all to the beat of funk like he was Tony Manero. As for MJ, Kirsten Dunst seems tired of playing dress up as her character, although a vital point in the Spidey mythos, just comes off as weak as her singing voice this time.

As for the baddies, Thomas Haden Chruch is great as Sandman. He's a bad guy who just wants to take care of his sick child and he'll do anything to make sure she gets the help she needs, so you feel a bit of sympathy for the guy. The same can't be said for Topher Grace as Eddie Brock/Venom. THis is the guy you want to see get his butt kicked. He's rotten to the core and once he gains power, you want him put down faster. But you think about how cool he looks in that black goo. Then there's James Franco as Harry, who is conflicted on whether he should be friends with Pete of just destoy Peter's life or just be friends.

The only person who doesn't cry in the film is J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson, who still gives off the wonderfully funny bluster from the first two movies. If he had seen any of the main characters weeping the way they did in the last half of the film, he'd have looked at them and grufly said, "Pussies, all of you! Walk it off and get your crap together now!" I could have used that near the end.

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