Thursday, April 09, 2009

Dear Miley Cyrus...



Welcome to Savannah, Georgia. Let me introduce myself. My name is Sam Johnson, a lifelong citizen here in what we call The Coastal Empire. We're pretty happy here in our little city and think it's wonderful here. We welcome all who come here with iopen arms and hope they have a wonderful time as they visit. All of that being said, let me cut to the point of this welcome.

You and your Hollywood people mess up my city or so help me God, we will thrwo bad juju on your little movie.

Let me explain: Word got you about your new movie you'll be filming in towm, "The Last Song", written by the guy who wrote The Notebook. While not my favorite movie (in truth as a crybaby chick flick, I would rather eat razors dipped in witch hazel), I understand that you wish to further your career by stepping away from Hannah Montana. Good for you. But there are rules when it comes to Savannah and we expect you to abide by them. Please Google my site to find over 100 of them.

I will say that I am happy thaty we have a major motion picture being filmed here, but we know how you Hollywood types are when you get here. You trash our town with garbage, you block our traffic in the squars, you treat our people like we're backwards country folks. I will admit that there are some folks like that here, but do not take us for granted. Keanu tried that here in 1999 with The Gift. We left him drunk in a bar for days. Kenneth Branaugh lost his accent for The Gingerbread Man and never regained it. EVER. Don't even let me tell you what happened when they did Midnight in The Garden of Good and Evil in the town that made the book famous. Clint Eastwood refuses to talk abou it now.

See, we don't give a durn that that film a movie here. Well, we do as it's good for the economy . Also, Savannah if full of hams who wish they could be in the movies. Oh yeah, after Forest Gump touched Amercia for over 100 million, we stopped playing around. See our agent, Jay Self.

So come on down and film your movie here, Little Miss Cyrus. But by all that is holy, if you take up my parking spot downtown while i go pay my electric bill so you can let the frickin' paparazzi take a shot of you going into Smoothie King, I will march down to where ever you film and dress up like Hannah Barbera or whatever you play and sing "Acky-Breaky Heart" at the top of my lungs. So help me if I don't do it, I know a few drag queens who will. Not really well, of course. I mean, I know of some folks who may know some folks, alright?

Welcome to Savannah, my town. don't mess it up. Enjoy your stay.

185 comments:

A Friend said...

Oh, man! I would pay you to do that anyway! Just because you can!

You-know-who is like "What's she doing in MY town? She's gonna mess it up!" I let her know you were on the job to make sure she doesn't. :)

faustina said...

Sam died unexpectedly and was found today by his brother Anthony. The obituary should be in the paper in the next day or two. I am just beside myself...

Beth said...

I am still in tears. Sam was beyond special!

Caveman said...

Sam, I miss you already. Savannah won't be the same without you.

-Cavey

Elisson said...

I was sorry to hear of Sam's loss. We in the blogosphere will miss him - and Savannah has lost a shining light.

faustina said...

You'll be happy to know there are plans to have Sam's blog posted. Sam had intentions of publishing his blog, encouraged by his dear Dr. H at South University. His niece is compiling his writings as we speak, though she certainly has a long road ahead of her. Sam was a prolific blogger and was online for five years. Still, she has taken on the task and I am thankful. I'll let you know what I find out about the progress as it goes along.

faustina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
david said...

Sam, you left us way too soon, my friend. You were a bright light of happiness, whimsy, soul, and spirit. The entire Montana blogosphere mourns your passing. You were the first - and as far as I know, the ONLY - honorary Big Sky Blogger.

RIP, Sam. You will never be forgotten.

Pandora said...

Goodbye, my dear friend.

faustina said...

Here's a picture show on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzjiu052v5Q

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