Friday, January 30, 2009

On Writing

I was thinking about what I should write tonight since this is an off day for me. Uh-huh, I'm doing this on a Thursday night or make it a really early Friday morn, around 1:30 am. I'm actually here at a bar where my old friend Perry does karaoke. He also has a wireless laptop. I figured from there I'd just go ahead and get this thing started for the weekend, since this could be a good, long post.

There's something to be said for a guy who has over 1500 posts on a blog. It could be that the writer has no life whatsoever. Or it could be that the writer just wants to better his life by becoming something that's a one in a million shot: To be the best writer ever. I don't claim to be Willy Shakespeare, Faulkner, or even Stan Lee. Writing is a hard thing to hold to and once you've finished that piece that you've slaved over for days, weeks, months, years, then you have to do it all over again. Remember the guy who wrote "The Bridges of Madison County"? Well, there you go.

When I started on the blog, at began as just a few sentences and that was it. Soon afterward when I thought I had a hold of what I was doing, I went into paragraphs. Down the line, it turned into whole essays and from there I think, folks realized that I must really be neurotic since I seem to have a lot of issues on my mind. That's what bloggers do. Just yammer on about stuff that drives them crazy and expect folks to agree or disagree. It can make a person look needy but they have to get off their chest somehow. I don't bucks for a shrink. Maybe I should ask for a bailout like G.M..

The hardest part is the reader's acceptance of the writer is saying. Is what the writer is saying make enough sence to the reader a tthe moment? I know I have the problem of going into tangents and for me, that is hard as Hell to stop for a dude like me.

In fact, I had to stop what I was writing last night because I was tired and I was this close to going into Robin Williams World so I stopped writing then and picked up on it today. So here's part deux.

I really am the the last person to tell anyone how they should write anything The one thing I would like to do is just encourage folks who really do feel as though they have a book or two in them and these days who doesn't, is to just keep working and don't stop until your hands fall off. Once that happens, get your spouse or whomever lives with you to tab it all down. Even better, teach one of those helper monkeys. They say that if you put 100 chimps in front of a typewriter, at least one of them is going to have something worth reading.

You can be as quiet on the outside as much as you want but once you let your imagination to the work, you can do some wonderful things and open beautiful worlds and leave a legacy that no one could ever change unles you do the editing. Good luck and please by my book if and when it comes out.

It took me to get 87 chimps to get this blog right, so there's a good start.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

And Now, Post 1501



Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the most offensive toy ever made next to the Swing Wing: It's the Batman Water Gun. Other than the annoying tool and the captions, it is funny looking. Also, it slightly affirms what Dr. Wertham wrote about in Seduction of the Innocent. Or not.

OHHHHHHH YEAAAAH....1500.

This is what I look like right now, although I took this photo last night. It turns out that I have acid reflux. I also have a sore throat because of the acid burps I seem to be having. Good times, people. Good times...

So while I was stressing here at work because the computer wants to be A-hole, my stomach got grumpy and before you knew the burps began again. It hit me then that while I was talking to our IT guy that since classes started the acid reflux kicked in, but I didn't feel anything until I got to work. It never happens on campus, in the clinic, even karaoke. Last night, I felt like Hell on a spiked road with no shoes on from all the the crap. I have taken nearly every medicine known to mankind that stops a rumbly in the tummy and not one thing has put out the flame. Something has to be done about this.

Yep I'm super. Thanks for asking. Now somebody get me a milkshake so I can cool my stomach.

Something else I just realized a second ago. This is the 1500th post I've written since June 29, 2003. If I could celebrate this, I would have loads of food and drink, scantly clad dancers, live music from the Foo Fighters, comedy from Patton Oswald and a guest appearance by Don Rickles.The cool thing is that all of you would be invited. But my gut hurts, so I'm going home. Don't frickin' trash the place and make sure Rickles gets home okay.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Ghetto Nights?!

Yeah, I had some folks send this to me via Facebook. I was offended and yet, I laughed. You judge...

The Real CyberSam Johnson Show-Fakin' the Food Funk

Friday, January 23, 2009

Watchmen Widget



Put this on your site!

The Week In Review

I'll bet y'all have been wondering what's been going on this week with all the essays and not a lot of the quickies. Here's the deal, Lucille. For the past few days, I'm been working on my writing for Composition III as it's been a short week, what with Dr. King's birthday, President Obama taking his oath twice and other things. As te class deals with writing critical essays, I thought I'd go ahead and just post what I'm working on here on the site. To be honest, my brain is slightly taxed after the events of the week. I still can't get my head around "sea kittens". Everyone I talked to about it seems stupefied over this. Blame P.E.T.A. for this crap. If anything, at least they'll wind up on Best Week Ever, so more promotion for them. Yippie.

Oh, did I forget? President Obama. Man, I tell you that sounds so cool, doesn't it? Gitmo's gonna close, the U.S. is finally going to work on human stem cells and Dr. Cheney is off to his evil lair in Virginia. It's been a couple of days, but it's a nice start. Now, don't rush everything. Just take your time and do it right. We'll be here when it's ready.

Finally, here's a clip from the NBS Nightly News with Ted Philips from 1970 looking back at the career of the superhero Dr. Manhattan.



Wait, what?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Save a Fish, Eat A Cat!


Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org!

For many years, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have made it their mission to protect animals around the world from abuse, whether it be from cosmetic firms to circuses. Today however the group has now possibly sniffing too much catnip with its new promotion, "Save the Sea Kittens".

Really? "Sea Kittens"?

I know that PETA means well as they always do. Usually the way they promote their cause is by going completely over the top. One of their ways is by having super models or celebrities pose naked for ads that say "I'd rather go naked than wear fur". Okay, for the most part the ads are mostly filled with women. There are guys naked in a few ads, but it's Tommy Lee and other tattoo canvased dudes. There's nothing wrong with that if you like skanky guys like Tommy Lee, but there is a limit.

Still, a person could say that the women are being exploited in the photos. Pamela Anderson may support the group, but does America need to see her naked to say that she won't wear a fur coat? She could be naked to say that this year's Super Bowl will be awesome and no one would care because Pam Anderson is crazy hot and naked. Nine out of ten men would admit to that fact and the tenth guy could possibly have vision problems.

P.E.T.A. also does things like throwing red paint on folks who wear fur in public, hoping that will throw the pelt coat away and never wear it again. Usually the attacks are on upper class (read "rich") suburban Manhattan females. Have you ever wondered why they haven't gone down to Harlem or Brooklyn to toss paint on the rappers who wear fur? Hell, get that stuff on their kicks and soon there'll be a "Save P.E.T.A." campaign up really quick.

All those are nothing compared to the "Sea Kitten" campaign P.E.T.A. has begun. According to their website, "Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You've done enough damage, buddy. We've got it from here. And we're going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it's time for a serious image makeover".

Guess what, P.E.T.A.? Some people still like their "sea kittens" with tartar sauce and lemon.

Do they expect folks to fall for something like this? The moment the word hit the streets about it, jokes about "land fish" were all over the place and that's a bit more gross than "sea kittens" once people realize what those are. Besides, aren't real cats snooty anyway? They live their own lives, they spit hair balls, they stick their butts in people's faces and unless declawed (which some say is unfair to cats) they will rip the living Hell out of your sofa, beds, curtains, arms, legs, etc. Stupid "land fish'.

Meanwhile, if you take a "sea kitten" out of the water to pet it's scaly coat, it will die in your arms in less than ten seconds. Where's the fun in that?

The whole thing just feels like P.E.T.A has way too much free time on its hands by coming up with a way to keep their name in public and to keep folks talking about them, kind of like David Blaine does a stunt live on prime time television and he's usually this close to losing a leg because he screwed up somehow between the 72 hours he stayed awake when he started it. Trying to sell tunas, salmon, flounders and trout as cutesty-wutesy widdle animals isn't going to help the fact that some folks like them grilled and others like them with chips and malt vinegar. Maybe P.E.T.A should work on saving dolphins as they're pretty smart creatures.

Then again, maybe they should save themselves and stick to the Bob Barker Rule: Don't forget to have your pets spayed and neutered.

By the way, did anyone notice that "Dinner" up there has on a leather jacket? Shame, shame, P.E.T.A..

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A Change Has Finally Come

Tuesday is going to be a very big day. I am so psyched for it. Finally, I can have a sigh of relief. Finally, after so many years of struggling and fighting from generation to generation, I can truthfully say to the world that the pressure is finally off Blacks. That's right: No more Black Americans or African Americans. We are just Americans now. Some of you don't know how it feels to have that weight off our shoulders, but I can say that was like a forty pound harness for some of us.

I need to say at this point that I tried out that line at a get together with a social group called No Kidding earlier tonight. While the majority of the group, who were White and female laughed, there was one lone desenter who was a White male, who sat to my left and just happen to burst out right after the laughter, "Yeah, well what happens when Obama makes a mistake, huh? What happens when a white guy walks up to you and says, 'Well, you're Black. What about your President now?'"

The silence from the table could have filled the room. Of course, our boy just looked ridiculous when he tried to apologize by letting me know that he grew up around Blacks and that he always voted as a Democrat. I just looked at him from my left and looked at him like I was Whoopi on The View. There's always going to be one jackhole out there ready to try to ruin a good time. Not this time, you fat, loud balding ass.

Paul Mooney said once, "Everybody wants be Black, but ain't nobody wants to be Black". I'm sorry, but it is what it is. I mean, we cook great. We can dance up a storm. We do really well at some sports. We can look tough when we need to. I don't even want to get into the sex. But really, America. If we had any other choice, we'd be White because a lot of them are listed on The Forbes 500 List. From the way I see it, White guys have lots and lots of money. I'm not talking Oprah or Jay Z and Beyonce' or Denzel or Will Smith or even the new President money. I'm talking Bill Gates and Warren Buffet and T. Boone Pickens and even Paul McCartney money. See, Oprah is rich. Bill Gates is wealthy. Chris Rock once said in his act that if Bill Gates ever woke up with Oprah money, he's blow his head off.

What I'm saying is White people are loaded with money. Well for the first time ever, Black people are now on an even level with White people. We can be loaded now, too. In fact, for the first time ever, we can be anything we want to be. Finally. This is what Michelle Obama was trying to say before pundits tried to mow her down.

I called my Uncle Frank in Detroit on Sunday while watching the Inaugural Concert on HBO, which he was also seeing. I asked him did he ever think that he would be around to see such a moment like this in his lifetime. He answered," I''d never thought I'd make it to today and I'll pray for one more day to see tomorrow". I could have cried like a baby at that point when I heard that.

Tuesday is really going to be a great day for all America as a people. From this day forward, let's all be American, not a bunch of colors that are different from the crayon box. I mean really, White folks aren't even white. They're freaking pink. I'm not even Black I'm a nice shade of Bronze, if you think about it. It's kind of like George Hamilton and I could be related, sort of.

What I'm trying to say is now is the time so let's all work together as a group effort. The country's all screwed up and it's going to take all of us to fix it. I'm not saying let's hold hands in a really big circle and singing Kumbaya, though. As a Black person, we did it a few times in the Fifties and Sixties and I think we're all past that stage.

Monday, January 19, 2009

MORE BACON PORN!



I had a dream today. A dream where White children and Black children got together and had Bacon Cupcakes.

I'm sorry, but YES I WENT THERE. It's time for a change. More later...

Friday, January 16, 2009

A Hero Is More Than A Sandwich

I found out some things about Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, III according to his own website, Safety Reliability Methods, Inc. Check this out...

SRM Founder Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger, III is a captain for a major U.S. airline with over 40 years of flying experience. A former U.S. Air Force (USAF) fighter pilot, he has served as an instructor and Air Line Pilots Association (ALPA) safety chairman, accident investigator and national technical committee member. He has participated in several USAF and National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) accident investigations. His ALPA safety work led to the development of a Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) Advisory Circular. Working with National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) scientists, he coauthored a paper on error inducing contexts in aviation. He was instrumental in the development and implementation of the Crew Resource Management (CRM) course used at his airline and has taught the course to hundreds of his colleagues. Sully is a graduate of the U.S. Air Force Academy (B.S.), Purdue University (M.S.) and the University of Northern Colorado (M.A.). He was a speaker on two panels at the High Reliability Organizations (HRO) 2007 International Conference in Deauville, France May 29-31, 2007. He has just been named a Visiting Scholar at the University of California, Berkeley.

Yeah, he was ready for something like this and not one person was seriously hurt on his watch. "Sully" not only helped the folks on that plane, but also America which really needed a major boost to get us all ready for January 20 to stand up and be proud. All Mr. Sullenberger did to help was his job to get the passengers to safety, which he did and then some. I think the country owes the man a debt of gratitude for simply doing the best job possible and reminding everyone what a hero should be. He needs even more than just a medal. He needs a "thank you".

Now if you shall excuse me, I hear a cat in a tree. The Fickle Fat Fudge Fiend Strikes again!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Uncle Sam (again!)

See this baby? She isn't mine. She is however my sister Damitta's new baby, who was born yesterday. No her name isn't Judy for those who may ask, but Kristina. She weighed in at six pounds and some ounces and was nineteen inches in length. Contrats, Damitta! I am now an uncle again for like, the sixty-'leventh millionth time here. Once again, this means that I have to buy more Christmas presents for the kids. Really, my nephew William who's my brother Anthony's oldest son is getting married soon at the age of 35! What the hell?! No more Hot Wheels for him!

Ricardo Montalban and Patrick McGoohan, R.I.P.

I can say that this really sucks. Both these men were great actors and stars of two of my favorite shows. I do prefer The Prisoner over Fantasy Island simply because Mr. McGoohan knew when enough was enough. Still, major props to Mr. Montalban for his role in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan. I still wonder if he actually wore a fake chest or was that really him? To both men, you will be missed.

Big Man On Campus

Here we are, it's a Wednesday and I am in my second day of classes here at South University and may I say so far, so good. Nothing's blown up yet and I haven't been kicked out. Honestly, I am very glad to return to college as I was getting bored at home and can't just sit there and watch infomercials all day. Speaking of which, is Vince the Shamwow guy a douche or what? Now he's selling Slap Chop or Chop Slap or Slap Nuts or whatever it's called. He looks more like a Ricky than he does a Vince to me. "You are gonna love my nuts!" Let me go back to what I was talking about though, because we really don't have all day...


Now that I'm back, I'm taking two courses this round: Compositition III and Torts and Remedies. They both seem to be very simple classes, but if I know the drill I'll get over my head in work and wind up doing my best to not screw up. When I started down the road to being a Paralegal, I knew that it would be some work. In hindsight however, I didn't think the road would be so full of pot holes. It dawned on me that if it wasn't for dialysis, I would have graduated last month if I had don't a full time schedule and gone to classes four days a week and alternating days. This is my albatros to wear like the Mariner, yet I keep on keepin' on. Other than the transplant (which I pray happens this year if I can drop more weight) I got nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, so I may as well keep myself busy. Hey, if it doesn't work out at all, I can sell crap on television like ol' Vince up there. I wonder if being a douchebag makes lots of money?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Happy Birthday, Motown!

It's Diana Ross's birthday today. Today also belongs to Rick James, The Isley Brothers, Bill Cosby, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Frankie Valli, Tommy Chong, Pigmeat Markham, El DeBarge, Teena Marie, The Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson and even Bruce Wilis.

Also because it's my birthday, too. Alright, you can have one as well.

Today is the fiftieth birthday for "The Sound of Young America", Motown Records. Having lived in Detroit, I can be proud to say that I lived in the town that changed the way the world listened to music thanks to Berry Gordy and his simple dream of making good music. All those folks listed at the top have recorded for Motown at some point and time and and since 1959, we've enjoyed every minute of it. That's why it's out birthday today. I think we should have a party. I know who's gonna bring the music.

I'm just going to add some of my favorite Motown songs for this tribute. First up is classic Stevie Wonder as he performs "Superstitions" on the set of Sesame Street(!). Big Bird has never been the same since he felt the funk.



And right here on the big show, here are the Temptations performing on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1967 with a medley of the quintessential Motown tune "My Girl" along with "I'm Losing You" with original members David Ruffin and Paul Williams before both left the group. It don't get no better than that.



Out of loads of great songs from the label, "Easy" by The Commodores has become a way of life for me over the years. Looking at Lionel Ritchie with an afro is also a huge plus.



Finally, here's Stevie Wonder with the song that helped to launch national recognition for Dr. King's birthday. It's live, but it's the right way to celebrate music that brought everyone together and still does.

Smart Ass

I have returned today to South University to get back on track to becoming a Paralegal. Am I freak out about it? Why, yes I am freaked out. But at least I'm taking good drugs for that problem. There'll be more later but right now I need to go get me some book learnin'. Maybe later, I'll get to do some cypherin' like Jethro Bodine.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Pull Up Your Pants!

On Monday, I had planned on writing about how people should pull up their pants these days, but I was interrupted from doing so. I then got this comment from League of Savannah Blogger House:

"A commentary on guys who should pull their pants up? If you don't at some point use either the phrase "Crack kills" or the more popular Whitney Houston derivative "Crack is wack" then you will fail to meet my expectation."

Ahem. Yes, I would go down that road, but I'm trying to become a more classier bastard for 2009. Change and all that, ya know.

See, what had started out to to be a sort of poked stick at folks these days who wear their pantaloons below their buttocks and how it's now becoming more popular for cities like Atlanta to begin banning folks from walking out of their house looking like a complete clown or pay a fine sort of shifted into something else in my mind.

I guess that Clint Eastwood Syndrome has taking over as I've aged and I'm really not that old compared to Clint. I've seen lots of teens and a few adults over 18 try to walk with sagging jeans or khakis on and to be truthful, they look stupid to me. Mind you, I came from the generation that had shoe laces untied and tucked inside the shoes. But what's a shoelace compared to a kid who weighs about a buck 40 and his clothes make him look like he's about to blow into the winds? Everything.

I like baggy clothes, to an extent. I grew up wearing baggy pants as it was and still is stylish in my neighborhood (read: "places where Black people grew up"). Somewhere in there somehow, somebody got the idea to get them as low on their ass as they could and before you know it, Black teens everywhere began to wear their pants like that. Before you know it, every race of teen boy began to wear pants like that. I should blame rap music for it, but rap gets the blame for everything these days, so I'll keep them out of it. So, I'll blame the parents instead. There, that sounds better.

See, if parents would sit down with their kids and let them know that they are the ones paying for the pants and that if they kept up the saggy action, they can leave the house naked. The adults bought the kid a belt for a reason and it wasn't for whuppin'. But if the kids don't start using said belt, the parents sure will.

Now with that being said, Let me launch into this. To me, the term "pulling up your pants" has become sort of a metaphor for me these days. Kind of like when you have to "roll up your sleeves" to get something done. Folks should become more responsible for their actions these days. I've been noticing more and more lately how people simply walk away from the things that they're supposed to be doing only to get lazy and let someone else handle the situation up close and personal. Quite frankly, it's really starting to piss me off. It like they have some strange, screwed up reason why they don't do the things that they should be doing but they don't do and everyone else has to hear their rationalization when in the beginning, it was all horsecrap to start off with.

It's 2009 and we are only seven days into this year. I don't have time to hear folks whine and complain that the world treats them like shite. I'm sick of walking out of my apartment and seeing guys walking around with the crack of the bums showing off in the sun. You are absolutly ruight, House. Crack is Wack!

Now pull up your pants and take some friggin' responsibility for yourself. If our next President says so, then it must be true.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Yippee!

Well, somebody seems to be in a good mood today. I had planned on talking about how men should learn to pull their pants up today, but for some stinkin' reason I got a headache. I do feel a little better now that I know that The Dark Knight has been nominated by the Producer's Guild Of America as one of the Best Picture of 2008. Maybe on Wednesday, I'll do that men's post. Also, I'll try to be in a better mood. Really, I'll try.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Meet CyberSam



He's just like me, 'cept different. He really does have a lot to say, so maybe you should watch.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

WAKE UP, PEOPLE!

Happy New Year. I am pissed. Not "piss drunk", but pissed off. Pissed to the highest of Pisstivity. It's too early in the morning of the first day of the year to be pissed off.

I'm here at the station right now posting this as I have been up for nearly 24 hours after dialysis Wednesday morning, karaoke with a new crew last night at Steed's, then getting here at three thirty in the morning because even though I didn't even have a drop of champagne at the strike of Twelve, I didn't feel like driving all the way to the other side of town only to get up and back to the same side of town I just left just an hour before.

So I sat down and started to post about how the night was and how tired I am now and how I can see the sun rise and how I am getting too old for this shite when all of a sudden, my left hand accidentally hits the ctrl button and wipes out over six paragraphs of a perfectly written rant.  I am SOOOOO pissed right now. So if I'm up, everybody better be up. 'Cause this ain't fair, man.

You are so friggin' lucky right now you didn't see the original post. "The Year of Change", my ass. Ain't a thing's changed here.