Thursday, October 28, 2004

Hollow Weenie

That Dang "Grudge" still has me awake, SOOOOO....

Ahh, Halloween, when a young man's fancy turns to scaring the living crap outta someone. Oh, and it's ok to check out chicks in skimpy costumes and not get a poke in the snoot.

Last year, I dressed as an washed up 80's rocker, mullet and all (pick one). It when well, but this time I'm going classy for Hallowween. This year, I will be The Phantom of The Nightclub. Cape, hip mask and all. I was going to be a superhero, but I want to meet women, so I thought I'd be sexy this year. If you think about it, Ron Pearlman played the Beast in Beauty and the Beast on TV for three years and got tons of woman jumping on his bandwagon. As soon as he took off the makeup, NOTHING. Not a thing. It's obvious he's gotta get latex slapped on for him to get any.

I remember years ago ago as a kid in the 70's, walking from house to house in those bad costumes mom got from K-mart. I never got to be a superhero or a character like Yogi Bear. Nope, we were broke. I got the cheap ones. Like the Devil, with a face mask that had no nose holes. Or the time she forgot to get me a costume and I had to do with her makeup that year and beace the most f-ed up ghoul you ever laughed at. The only good part was getting the candy Man, the last time I trick or treated, which was 1977 ( I was 11 and Mom thought I was getting to old to put on a costume to get candy. YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO ASK FOR CANDY, MOM!), I cleaned up. I wound up with what must have been THREE POUNDS of sweets that night. If I was going to get too old to go out trick or treating, I was going to go with a sugar rush. The only bad part of that night was some old broad gave us PECANS she had gotten from her front tree and shut the door before we could raise a stink. Well, she got her pecans back alright. IN SPADES.

I wish I could still go trick or treating. I don't have any kids, so it wouldn't really work as well. But could you imaging an adult coming up to your house by themselves asking for candy? "Look lady. The kids, there down the street and all and, uhhh, I thought I'd just go on ahead and ask before they got here. Whatja got in the bowl there? Oh, are those Ju Ju Bee's? I like those. Gimmie some of those there, but not the black ones. They stick to my teeth alot. Oh, and have you got them circus peanuts? Nobody around here got those this time around."

So I know you gotta have your trick or treat memories. Let's hear 'em. Cadies, costumes, the works...

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