Thursday, December 30, 2004

The Person Of The Year Who Can Bite Me



This will probably be the last post I do for 2004, as I'll be very busy this weekend doing radio and club gigs. However, I figured I needed to do this. After hours of thinking and racking my brain on the person I can't stand the most this year, and believe me, there's alot of folks out there who just make me pure ill, I have decided to go with someone everyone can agree on. That's why at The Sam Johnson Institue of Technology and Drag Racing, we have our Person of the Year Who Can Bite Me. We were going to call it The Sam Johnson Johnson Person Of The Year Who Can Bite Me, Then Jump Off A Cliff Into An Ocean Filled With Sharks With Frickin' Lasers On Their Heads, but we couldn't find any lasers. So, without further ado ladies and gentlemen, our person...Paris Hilton. She makes skeevy women everywhere proud, huh?



That's right, you lady. You found fame with a good publicist and lots of dough. You wound up on every gossip page with your wacky antics and wild exploits and you made us all sick of you. Then, you did The Simple Life with Nichole Ritchie which proves to us that blonds aren't stupid. Stupid girls are real stupid. Don't even get me started on that tape of yours, Paris. Yes, I saw it. ONCE. You knew what you were doing when it came out. "One Night In Paris"? I'd rather spend it in a Super 8. In fact, you have ruined the family name and hotels. I'll be spending my time in broken down motel on I-95 than to stay in a Hilton from now on. At least you know the women are skeezy there. Stay away from television, Paris Hilton. And, BITE ME. With mustard.



Oh, and Happy New Year everyone! Stay alive in 2005!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wait, now, Paris was the object of the majority of my wet dreams in 2004. She's hot!

Anonymous said...

Well done Sam. Maybe that "rich, giggling cunt" (as David Cross says) will just go the heck away.

Anonymous said...

Then, no offense Tiger, but PLEASE, get out more often. Next call...