Monday, January 31, 2005

What A Gorilla Suit Day!

Wow! I tell ya, it was quite a day here in Savannah for National Gorilla Suit Day. I got a Great Grape Ape costume I won on Ebay that used to be worn by some guy at an amusment park and wore it for the most part today, including dialysis. Which really wasn't a good idea, since the suit was kinda hot and I couldn't take off the head because I was hooked up. After four hours of having my blood filtered and sweating in the costume, I was loopy, okay? They kept asking me was I ok, but it all came out grunts. So, I get outside and started staggering aroung looking for my car in a gorilla suit, but I was so loopy, I couldn't see straight, so I started climbing on top of cars, you know? Then, I started beating my chest out of anger and yelling and that's when the police showed up.

Jail wasn't too bad and I took some photos with the kids of the cop that arrested me, where they just let me go. Thanks, Mark. Just can't wait for next year where I just wear it at home in peace.

Today's The Day!

Happy National Gorilla Suit Day! You can peel your bananas now...

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Just A Few Things...

Well, I got the stuff in from the National Transplant Fund. Expect a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT in less than two weeks.

My old roomie Jason Combs has a weblog up and running called Adventures In International Recruiting, based on past and upcoming trips over the water for the Savannah Collge Of Art and Design. If you ever wondered what it takes to go everseas, or you want to learn more about S.C.A.D. , then this might be a blog to look at. Welcome Jason to THE LEAGUE OF SAVANNAH BLOGGERS!

Thanks to David at Better Living Through Blogging for making me "Above The Fold". I'm already as modest as it is here, people. Mind you, as America's Only Neurotic Black Man, the attention is kinda nice and all. I've been linked to a lot more web pages than I expected as of recent and traffic has gone up. Thanks, guys and girls. Now I feel like everyone's staring at me. This is a good thing, right?

Saturday, January 29, 2005

SwanShadow Thinks Out Loud

Before I go off to sleep, SwanShadow said some very nice things about me on his blog and mentioned comic book writer/artist William Messner-Loebs in the same paragraph.

"In the comics, the superheroes wear colorful costumes and fight megalomaniacal villains. In real life, the true superheroes are ordinary folks like Sam Johnson, patiently awaiting a kidney transplant but still taking time to entertain his legion of fans via radio and weblog, and William Messner-Loebs, whose story I hope will fall across the desk of some editor at Marvel or DC and motivate that person to give him a book to write or draw."

Thanks S.S., But I'm just a guy who wishes he could have been a better stand up so he could have gotten a tv deal out of it so he could finally have that dream talk show. You guys want to read about a real hero? Try not to cry when you read about Loeb. That man is a hero. Bless him. And, bless you too, SwanShadow. Good night.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Wear Like Ape!!!

From Mark, the reason for National Gorilla Suit Day.

All The World Is Waiting For Youuu...

I've been noticing alot of traffic to the site as of recent. No complaints at all, but I tracked down the reason why: LYNDA CARTER. The hottest woman of the Seventies. If you came to the site for my dashing wit, thank you. But Princess Diana just a small part of this fun.

Aw, Hell. She's better looking than me, anyways. Just thank me for putting her back on the page. Try not to drool much on your keyboard, fellas. Ladies, one day i'll find a good looking stud for you. As soon as I drop a pound or two.

Update I actually posted the photo before, and may yet again, just for the thrill of it. I do, however have another photo of Lynda that I posted right after that. DO YOU DARE LOOK?Posted by Hello


Those Ebay auctions are going too far...

Thursday, January 27, 2005

'Possums and Apes

Our Man In California, Mark Evanier was going to try to make it down to Georgia for the annuual Pogo Festival (based on the comic strip) in April, b ut had to be cancelled, which is sad, really. I would have loved for him to show up in Savannah in the springtime. Good food, honeys, good honeys. Hopefully, next year Mark will be able to enjoy the adventures of the greatest possum in the world. Not that one, this one.

Speaking of celebrations, I want to join in on this, but I'm not certain what kind of gorilla to dress as. If there were guidelines to this, I would have no problems. I don't want to be a simple mountain ape in a room of Silverbacks.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Best Post...EVER!

Sorry I haven't posted much today. I'm worn out from dialysis and too tired for funny. But, I wanted to post this photo of Comic Book Guy in solidarity with all the other comic blogs out there. I don't pick my stuff up on Wednesdays, like I used to, but I do go to The Comic Box once a week and get my stuff. So, for all you fanboys, nerds, geeks, Marvel Zombies (gamers need not apply as you are too freaky), this post's for you! Posted by Hello

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

It's Oscar Time-Day One

I'm still awake, so I'm watching the Oscar Nominations. Don't ask why I can't sleep. Here's the round up.


Cate Blanchett - THE AVIATOR

Laura Linney - KINSEY

Virginia Madsen - SIDEWAYS

Sophie Okonedo - HOTEL RWANDA

Natalie Portman - CLOSER



Thomas Haden Church - SIDEWAYS



Clive Owen - CLOSER




















Annette Bening - BEING JULIA

Catalina Sandino Moreno - MARIA FULL OF GRACE

Imelda Staunton - VERA DRAKE




Don Cheadle - HOTEL RWANDA


Leonardo DiCaprio - THE AVIATOR


Jamie Foxx - RAY







The complete nominatins are here. Who do you think was shut out and who do you think should win?

One For The Road

There's been a lot of talk about Johnny Carson in the past two days and there's going to be more. I have a feeling he'd probably been irked about it. If he isn't now.

Remembering books I had read about him years ago and hearing what folks are are saying today, Carson was a very private man. He loved to make folks laugh, but when the show was over, it was over. He knew he'd done his job, and now it was time to go home and watch the ocean. He was so good at it, he created the four day work week in the 80's. But, he had nothing to prove. He was JOHNNY CARSON.

Everyone had some kind of tribute to Johnny today. Even World Wrestling Entertainment showed a clip of Johnny and Hulk Hogan from 1986 on "Raw" tonight. I wouldn't be suprized if Marvel Comics brings out the issue of "Amazing Spider-Man" that had Spidey on Johnny's show. That is how much of an influence the man had on a generation.

So, how much of an influence did he have on me? Loads. One of my first memories was seeing him on tv at the age of three years old when I shouldn't have been up. I just remember a man behind a desk talking to a bunch of other men. As I got older, I noticed that there were television shows that were on after 8pm and his was the one that was constant. From there, I watched Johnny sling one liners like they came from a holster. Ok, some of them hit the ground in a groan, but he kept them going. Plus, he was gratious with the guest, no matter wsho they were. Whether it was Don Rickles or Joan Embry, he made everyone look good. I studied the man and took what I learned into radio with me. I've gotten to interview loads of folks over the years, some big, some not. But, I remembered what Carson did. Make them feel comfortable. I hope I can go back to doing that again soon, all in the name of Johnny Carson.

Drew Carey said to Jay Leno on The Tonight Show (most other late night shows, including Letterman's, was in scheduled reruns), "You know, when you die, they won't be doing this'', jokingly. There maybe a few moments on CNN about the guy when Jay does go, but it won't be like Johnny's. Somehow, I'll bet Johnny wish it was the other way around.

The King Is Gone. Long Live The King. Posted by Hello

Monday, January 24, 2005

The Way Of The Gun

I can talk about this now, but a few days ago I couldn't. Friday night at The Bar Bar, someone brought in a gun.

The barbacksa had just opened up the doors as folks started pouring in. In the crowd, there was one person that stood out. He was young, but over 21 and looked like he could get daddy's inheritance someday. Until then, he was going to get drunk and trip out on acid. I usually get a feeling about people when I fisrt see them and I felt like that guy was going to get thrown out before the night is over. He was drunk before the bar was even open and was staggering around trying to dance with every woman in the place. I kept my eye on the bum the whole time.

He wound up bumping in to one guy while trying to make his move on one lady. I was just about to lose patience with the guy when someone came up to me at the DJ booth and quietly said, " I think you better take this". On the counter of the booth, they gave me a .38 in a holster. I asked her where did it come from, and was told it was on the floor. I noticed that she was dancing near rich drunk kid. I pieced two and two and figured it had to be from him. That's when I jumped out of the booth and went to get him.

I walked up on him and asked him straight: Did he bring a gun into the bar? He hemmed and hawwed for a few. As dramatic as it sounded, I said, " By all that's holy, if you don't tell me the truth, I will f-----' beat you sober, b----". I noticed the crowd looking at the two of us and got one of the barbacks to get the off duty cops that keep watch over the place. I told the kid not to move as I had to jump back in the booth and tell the dancers what was going on and if anyone brought a gun here, as it's ILLEGAL. I turned my head for one second and the kid was gone. Fortunatly, it was early and there wasn't a crowd there yet, but the kid snuck out. I calmed the group down, threw on a long song and quickly ran out with the cops to look for the kid. No luck. We did have the gun, though. The police took it in and have run the serial number in. Hopefully, they'll get him.

I was truthfully pissed and scared at the same time. I'd never done anythiong like that before in my life and I put my being on the line because of that. He could have pulled that thing out and shot someone for no reason, or shot because no one would dance with him, or worse. I feel like I'm getting too old for the club scene after something like that. I'm just glad I'm safe, but I'm more glad that no one was hurt or otherwise.

How'd You Sleep Last Night?

Your day been good so far? I've been going since seven this morning. I know, fine for some, too early for others. I jst wanted to see how things are with you today, is all and to tell you I hope the rest of your day goes well. I have to go to dialysis soon, but I wanted to let you know I'll have a couple of posts up later on this evening. One on Johnny Carson, the other on a strange situation that happened to me last Friday night. Be good till then.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Where Bill Gates Got His Mack Lessons

"When we are through with the lovemaking aspect of our romantic evening together, I will still continue to attend to your needs. If you wish a grape to be placed in your mouth, I will place one there. It does not matter whether you want a purple grape or a white grape, as I will supply myself with grapes of both colors."

Damn. If I were a woman, I'd be naked by the end of his song. I gotta write this stuff down.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

I Love The 90's...Third Time's The Charm

VH1 is running I Love The 90's...Part Deux all this week and I for one and both happy and pissed. It's great to see Michael Ian Black and Hal Sparks working again, but come on. Wasn't the ninties over like, FIVE YEARS AGO? They haven't even done a sequel to I Love The 70's yet, and they give us more 90's to deal with.

Now, there's a new club opening in New York that deals with all the things we miss from the nineties, like new Tupac records coming out and and watching Joey Tribiani on Thursday nights. I thought there was already a place like that with a lot of nineties nostalgia called PLANET HOLLYWOOD. IT WAS THE NINETIES, PEOPLE. I had a bad time that decade. Please, give me another ten years, then I can reminice on my high top fade, play with my Furby and drink my Zima in peace.

Was there ANYTHING ANYONE really loved about the nineties, anyway?

If Yahoo Had Personal In 1983

"Hey, pretty mama. How you doin', yo? Oh, me? My name is Bill, but you can call me Dolla-Dolla Bill, y'all. Check this out. I'm starting up this company based on computers, yo. It's gonna be the diggity, yo! You know yo wanna get with this. I got what you need to get you by thru them nights, girl. I'm smart, too. In the computer lab and in the bedroom, if you dig what's up. So, drop that apple and get with Banana Bill, baby! Let a brotha know sumpin', girl...'' Posted by Hello

Thanks to Randy for the heads up.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

A Scruple For You

If there was something you wanted badly, what would you do for it? What would you give up for, ummm say, a Klondike Bar, or maybe a tractor?

One Mo' Time!

From the scientists at JibJab, another great singalong, just in time for the re-oatharisation, called "Second Term". I wonder how they get Cheney to move this mouth like that?

I Knew Leno Sucked For Some Reason

Many folks have wondered how I put together posts for the page. OK, no one really, but I thought I'd tell you anyway. First thing is I sour the other blogs to see what they did today. I really don't want to copy anyone else and try to stay original. After crying alot when seeing how well everybody else's blog is better than mine, then going to the store to drown my sorrows in frozen Cokes, I come back to the laptop and finally come up with something I think you want to read. For example...

It's revealed that Johnny Carson has been writing monolouge jokes for David Letterman for years. Actually, you can kinda tell with some of them. The delivery is the way to tell, since it reminds you of Johnny. Does this revelation now officially make Dave the new King Of Late Night? Yes. Yes, it does.

I'm not gonna tell you which show to watch at this point. There's Letterman people and Leno people. Red states and Blue states. The folks who saw "Elektra" over the weekend...Wait, NO ONE saaw "Elektra" over the weekend. The point is, enjoy your late nite entertainment. I just know who I'm watching.

Oh, and Paul's hosting tonight. It should be interresting.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

In Da Newz

I'm Sam Johnson and here's some stuff I found online...

A sixty-six year old Romanian woman gave birth to a bouncing baby girl on Sunday.The mother was artificially inseminated with sperm by an anonymous donor who didn't want to know he was doing it with an old lady.

I'm sorry. It's bad finding out your Uncle Bert is making it now with Viagra, but now Great-aunt Tilly has given birth tom your new, what? Cousin? Aunt? It's all too freaky. Maybe we should talk to Letterman about this.

A Las Vegas weatherman was fired over the weekend after making racial slurs towards Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. during his forcast.

This is true: The guy had only been there for three months, but they should have seen it coming. "I tell ya, there's gonna be more moisture here in Vegas than a bunch of sweaty Italians fighting a lotta Mexicans over who gets that used Cadillac."

The Mayor of Prauge, Czech Republic is upset, when disguising himself as a tourist and hailing a taxi in his town, was charged thirty-four dollars by the cabbie for a two mile trip.

The Mayor was also upset for being charged three hundred dollars for a "happy ending" at the local massage parlor he was dropped off at.

A naked man was arrested after breaking in a school full of student and demanding them to hear his demo tape.

Justin Guarini was held until released in to Ryan Seacrest's custody. Clay Aiken had no comment.

Back to Romania again, a couple has named their new infant son Yahoo after meeting over the internet.

The parents are happy Yahoo will join his brother, Smoking Gun and sister, Jenna Jamison Online.

That's it for Da Newz. I'm Sam Johnson. You stay classy, San Diego.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

M.L.K. Day

Here in Savannah, we have parades for both St Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. On St. Patrick's Day, folks party, get drunk, fight, wear goofy beads and just get plain obnoxious. It's huge. I truly hate that it's become a reason to booze it up. I pray it never happens to the MLK parade we have here. Let's hope folks remember what Dr. King stood for.

On that note, I'd like to leave you with a poem that sums up my feeling about my race. It was originally done on HBO's Def Poetry Jam. The cool thing is when you find out at the end of the poem who wrote it. You may be suprized and have a smile afterwards. Mind you, there are going to be some words yo may have never seen here before. If you are too politicly correct and cry during Hallmark card commercials, this post ain't for you.

The Black American

I love being Black. I love being called Black. I love being an American.

I love being a Black American, but as a Black man in this country I think it’s a shame

That every few years we get a change of name.

Since those first ships arrived here from Africa that came across the sea

There were already Black men in this country who were free.

And as for those that came over here on those terrible boats,

They were called nigga and slave

And told what to do and how to behave.

And then master started trippin’ and doing his midnight tippin’,

Down to the slave shacks where he forced he and Great-Great Grandma to be together,

And if Great-Great Grandpa protested, he got tarred and feathered.

And at the same time, the Black men in the country who were free,

Were mating with the tribes like the Apache and the Cherokee.

And as a result of all that, we’re a parade of every shade.

And as in this late day and age, you can be sure,

They ain’t too many of us in this country whose bloodline is pure.

But, according to a geological, geographical, genealogy study published in Time Magazine,

The Black African people were the first on the scene,

So for what it’s worth, the Black African people were the first on earth

And through migration, our characteristics started to change, and rearrange,

To adapt to whatever climate we migrated to.

And that’s how I became me, and you became you.

So, if we gonna go back, let’s go all the way back,

And if Adam was Black and Eve was Black,

Then that kind of makes it a natural fact that everybody in America is an African American.

Everybody in Europe is an African European; everybody in the Orient is an African Asian

And so on and so on,

That is, if the origin of man is what we’re gonna go on.

And if one drop of Black blood makes you Black like they say,

Then everybody’s Black anyway.

So quit trying to change my identity. I’m already who I was meant to be

I’m a Black American, born and raised.

And brother James Brown wrote a wonderful phrase,

“Say it loud, I’m Black and I’m proud! Say it loud, I’m Black and I’m proud!”

Cause I’m proud to be Black and I ain’t never lived in Africa,

And ‘cause my Great-Great Granddaddy on my Daddy’s side did, don’t mean I want to go back.

Now I have nothing against Africa,

It’s where some of the most beautiful places and people in the world are found.

But I’ve been blessed to go a lot of places in this world,

And if you ask me where I choose to live, I pick America, hands down.

Now, by and by, we were called Negroes, and after while, that name has vanished.

Anyway, Negro is just how you say “black” in Spanish.

Then, we were called colored, but shit, everybody’s one color or another,

And I think it’s a shame that we hold that against each other.

And it seems like we reverted back to a time when being called Black was an insult,

Even if it was another Black man who said it, a fight would result,

Cause we’ve been so brainwashed that Black was wrong,

So that even the yellow niggas and black niggas couldn’t get along.

But then, came the 1960s when we struggled and died to be called equal and Black,

And we walked with pride with our heads held high and our shoulders pushed back,

And Black was beautiful.

But, I guess that wasn’t good enough,

Cause now here they come with some other stuff.

Who comes up with this shit anyway?

Was it one, or a group of niggas sitting around one day?

Feelin’ a little insecure again about being called Black

And decided that African American sounded a little more exotic.

Well, I think you were being a little more neurotic.

It’s that same mentality that got “Amos and Andy” put off the air,

Cause’ they were embarrassed about the way the character’s spoke.

And as a result of that action, a lot of wonderful Black actors ended up broke.

When we were just laughin’ and have fun about ourselves.

So I say, “Fuck you if you can’t take a joke.”

You didn’t see the “Beverly Hillbilly’s” being protested by white folks.

And if you think, that cause you think that being called African American set all Black people’s mind at ease…

Since we affectionately call each other “nigga”,

I affectionately say to you, “Nigga, please".

How come I didn’t get the chance to vote on who I’d like to be?

Who gave you the right to make that decision for me?

I ain’t under your rule or in your dominion

And I am entitled to my own opinion.

Now there are some African Americans here,

But they recently moved here from places like Kenya, Ethiopia, Zambia, Zimbabwe, and Zaire.

But, now the brother who’s family has lived in the country for generations,

Occupying space in all the locationsNew York, Miami, L.A., Detroit, Chicago-

Even if he’s wearing a dashiki and sporting an afro.

And, if you go to Africa in search of your race,

You’ll find out quick you’re not an African American,

You’re just a Black American in Africa takin’ up space.

Why you keep trying to attach yourself to a continent,

Where if you got the chance and you went,

Most people there would even claim you as one of them; as a pure bread daughter or son of them.

Your heritage is right here now, no matter what you call yourself or what you say

And a lot of people died to make it that way.

And if you think America is a leader on inequality and suffering and grievin’

How come there so many people comin’ and so few leavin’?

Rather than all this ‘find fault with America’ shit you promotin’,

If you want to change something, use your privilege, get to the polls!

Commence to votin’!

God knows we’ve earned the right to be called American Americans and be free at last.

And rather than you movin’ forward progress, you dwelling in the past.

We’ve struggled too long; we’ve come too far.

Instead of focusing on who we were, let’s be proud of who we are.

We are the only people whose name is always a trend.

When is this shit gonna end?

Look at all the different colors of our skin-

Black is not our color. It’s our core.

It’s what we been livin’ and fightin’ and dyin’ for.

But if you choose to be called African American and that’s your preference

Then I ‘ll give you that reference

But I know on this issue I don’t stand alone on my own and if I do, then let me be me

And I’d appreciate it if when you see me, you’d say, “there goes a man who says it loud

I’m Black. I’m Black. I’m a Black American, and I’m proud.

Cause I love being an American. And I love being Black. I love being called Black.

Yeah, I said it, and I don’t take it back.

Smokey Robinson

May 16, 2003

Now, let's all get together for cheesecake and coffee soon. Please?

Jamie Wins!

It's not a shame for a man to cry. Jamie Foxx became very emotional when picking up his Golden Globe for Best Actor for "Ray" after a very loose exceptance speech. I began to weep as well. Honest tears of joy.

I promise to cry just as hard when he wins the Oscar.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Holy Jebus!

Why didn't anyone tell me that the links on the Blogroll were wrong?! I just clicked on to a couple and they wern't working one bit. Sorry for that, folks. I'll try have have them fixed as soon as I can. I really can't work here att the station like I can at home, since they use Windows 2000 Professional and haven't updated it since they got it, but I will staighten it out. My apologies to anyone who were misdirected.

So Much For The Day Off...

Guess who's on the air when he planned on sitting around the house and watching a James Bond Marathon all day? Yep. Oh, well, at least I'm getting a paycheck.

I really don't make alot of money doing radio these days. I don't want to. I get a nice little disabilty check from the government once a month. I really don't have to work at all, but I want to feel usefull, you know? Besides, alot of the money is going towards the transplant, so it's a good thing. Plus, the radio thing is fun. I still like to keep my toes in the water, so to speak. Plus, I plan on using my new celebrity to help with the transplant. It's a good swap: I play their Lil'Jon, they help me get a new kidney.

If you get bored tomorrow, I'm on the air Sundays from 12p til 4p, Eastern. Give me a buzz and we can chat toll free 1-866-399-0093.

I'd love to hear from you.
this is an audio post - click to play

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Never Mind The Bollocks...Here Comes Sam!

From Pandora, who got it from Babs, who got it from David, who musta got it from Quiz Farm...
You scored as Punk/Rebel.







Drama nerd








Ghetto gangsta


What's Your High School Stereotype?

created with

I wanted to be a Loner, but this will do. I just hate Mohawks, is all.

No Saving Grace For "The Will"...HA! Get It? I Was Using "Will and Grace" To Talk About "The Will" ! I Slay Me!

Did you see the new reality show "The Will" on CBS yet? Well, too freakin' bad, 'cause it's been canceled after only one show. It's not the fastest canceled show ever, however. That belongs to "Turn-On" which ran on ABC in 1969 and was hosted by Tim Conway. That was canceled before it even went off the air during it's only showing. It proves however, that not every god idea on television is a good one. No matter how trashy.

The Cast Of Steel

It's being reported on Ain't It Cool, via Variety, that actor Hugh Laurie of the tv show "House" has been picked to play Perry White for the new Superman film. Let's take a look at casting so far:

Brandon Routh as Superman
Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane
Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor.

Now, as a Superman fan, this is freaky. You know comic geeks are sitting there thinking now of these folks could be right for the part. While the movie goer in my is telling me that we could be in for a pretty wild ride. Now, all we need is a Jimmy Olsen. I say, just for the hell of it and the way it's being cast, Haley Joel Osmet. Anyone better you can think of?

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The Best Spread Ever Since Pam Anderson Last Posed For Playboy!

Now, I know this is late and all, but I never really got to have Thanksgiving dinner, so I figured I'd just get it out of the way later. For those of you who've never really had a southern Thanksgiving, lemme tall ya, it's a treat. At least, when I was growing up. See, Black folks believe in green bean casserole. Don't bring that to my table. We'll fight you and make you eat the whole thing. In our cast, in clockwise order, cornbread, turkey, white rice, black eyed peas, candied yams, stuffing, peach cobbler, cranberry sauce, collard greens, and Andy Dick (in background). Delicious, huh? Posted by Hello

Happy Late Turkey Day, Y'all!

I bought a turkey for Thanksgiving last year, but never got the chance to cook it. So, I thought that I would do it for Christmas. Didn't get that chance, either. SO, after weeks of weeks of sitting in the freezer, I thought today would be the the day that Greg Gobbler got his fair due. It's just a simple turkey brest, that was marinated with cajun seasoning and butter, then cooked for three hours. Thank God I've got roommates to enjoy this thing, otherwise I'd be a lonely, turkey eatin' sonuvabitch.But the way, it's my fisrt picture of myself here in a while. Do I look ok? Posted by Hello

Off The Wall

I got an email from Faithful Reader Dave Hewitt yesterday with a link to The Smoking Gun pertaining to the Michael Jackson case. Perhaps you've heard about it. You know, all that weird stuff. Welp, it looks like if it wasn't true before, it is now. I read only a few lines of it and had to stop once they got to the allegations. Now, when I was doing morning news on the radio, I had to use the word "alleged", since the criminal had yet to be convicted of the crime and that way the radio station could not be sued for possible slander in case he wound up not guilty, and or helping the outcome of the case. So, we'll use the word "alleged" here.

That "alleged" fool did some f'ed up stuff that I can't even imagine. I'm sorry. I remember Michael just being some great singer from Indiana who had more talent to spare. Just what the hell happened? Was it the fame, the money? Was it the way he was raised by his family? What makes a man do deviant things like this? In his prime, he was one hell of a singer/dancer, but now he's just a plain mess. Folks, I'm not saying go out and burn your copy of "Ben", but I think it's definitely over for Jacko. I've heard of celebrities that have gone off the deep end and come back after getting their heads together, but Mike has done gone too far. You can read the report if you want, but I can tell you now, when the court case does start, this stuff will read like The Wizard Of Oz. I'd bet Michael would like that.

Monday, January 10, 2005

"Tate, tell Stephens he's fired!"

Does this man look familiar to you? Well, he's been in dozens of movies and TV shows playing the same thing: A mean old man. However, Charles Lane was probably one of the nicest men in Hollywood. Mark Evanier tells us that Mr. Lane is still around (!) and is getting ready to celebrate his ONE HUNDREDTH BIRTHDAY soon! Wow. It's funny. With all the roles he played, to me he was kinda like those grumpy old men who lived down the block from you who you wished would just dry up. Looks as though he ain't goin' nowhere. Congrats, Charles. You were and ARE the greatest sourpuss Hollywood ever had! Posted by Hello

photo from

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Must Have Coffee

So, I'm on the air right now, and I'm not awake yet. I only got like, maybe less than four hours of sleep before i got here, which by the way, was late. The moment I got into the studio, the request line rings. It a birthday shout out to a little girl from her grandmother. This really happened.

Me(not awake one bit): So, whats her name?

Granny: Shonquasha.

Me(now, I'm up): Huh? How do you spell that?

Granny: Child, I have no idea, but her nickname is "Face".

Me: I'll bet you know better now and name the next grandchild "Marsha", won't you?

Why, Jebus, why do Black folks do that. Thank God, I'm just Sam.

Ok, I need coffee. Be back later.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Fresh For '05

Hey! We finally got the internet here at E-93! That means I can post and jam at the same time and you can keep up! SWEET! Sorry, I've been watching "Napoleon Dynamite" too much this week. Anyways, I've been thinking about this alot since I've been here on WEAS and I finally think I have a radio name that fits me and my attitude on the air. Ladies and gentlemen, may I please present to you....


Hey it works for Marshall Mathers. He's white, but sounds black. I'm black, but sound white. It's only fair. Keep it crunk, kids...More is on the way!

Busy Weekend

I've the radio thing to do this weekend, plus the bar thing to do this weekend, so once again, posting will be light. So, check these out.

By way of Pandora, meet Jough and his meme. I"m working on one now.

Randy has ways to become an evil overlord. Sweet!

Kevin has the greatest comic book cover EVER.

Mark has photos of SOUPY SALES getting a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. Yay, Soup!

Monkey's still being Monkey. Go vote for him!

This new kid Wil Wheaton has memories of watching Live Aid while working on some sappy movie with River Phoenix. I think he has a future with this blog thing.

I've got a great idea for a fund raiser. Maybe it's been done before, but I want to do it. I'll have details up soon as soon as particulars are done, so give me a couple of weeks. I'll see you on the radio!

Friday, January 07, 2005

Re: That Stufff Below

I should apologize for the post below. I hope I don't come off like a beeyoch and all. I'm just hoping to get a few more links. I do hope I can, actually. Like I said before, once I do the fundraising here online, the more hits and donations I get, the better I'll feel. So, if you really, REALLY like the stuff here, please link and tell a friend. If not, I'd completly understand if you don't. Thanks.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Fixin' A Hole

I'm cleaning up the blogroll again, but this time I'm makin' some changes. First off, there have been some folks with pages who haven't updated in forever. It's like going to the newsstand and they have the same New York Times on the counter for three months. No one wants to read that. So, I'm getting rid of those folks who don't update. Sorry, but it's irritating to me that they take up bandwith like that. Second, to those of you how are on the blogroll, no offense to you but I'd like to linked on your page. I mean, it's only fair and not like I'm asking alot. I'm going to be doing the fundraising soon and I'd like as much traffic as possible here. Please help a brotha out, won't you?

Finally, I'm adding some new members to the blogroll. If you haven't checked them out before, please do so, and tell 'em I sent ya.

Comic Book Bin


Fred Hembeck

Kiddie Records Weekly

Richard Pryor (you must read!)

Shut Up, Ed



No Pants

Faintly Macabre

Boing Boing


Wil Wheaton

These are all being loaded in the blogroll as we speak. Now, go. Enjoy.

The Monkey Cam-pain Song

this is an audio post - click to play

Wednesday, January 05, 2005


I'd like to stop up to the bat right now for pal, Monkey. As one of Montana Mafia who stops by this place, he has been a delightful friend, leaving lovely comments when he comes by. Now, as a blogger himself, he is one of the most twisted guys I've seen since doing this. For example:

"Monkey Quote of the Day: 'You guys who have little ones and lie about it and claim to have big ones make things bad on us guys who really DO have big ones - for we with big ones don't NEED to brag in the first place but if we ever DID want to brag you little ones men have already messed things up for us big ones men.' "

"My dog makes drinking from the toilet look like SO much fun I'm tempted to try it (but if I do I won't blog about it so move along nothing to see here people keep moving)"

Our primate friend has been nominated for "Most Humorous Blog" Award. For the record, he's worth it. The other blogs nominated? I ain't read those. But, I do read Monkey's and I'm very happy with it. Now, go read it and vote or die, fool!

Am I a kiss ass? Yes. Yes, I am.

I Need A Favor From You, Please

I've compleated paperwork that has been sent off to the National Transplant Assistance Fund so any monies raised towards my kidney transplant will be given to them. It's sort of a special account that will be watched over. It's a good thing, since local banks won't touch me, even with a kidney problem. So, go blow me, Bank Of America. I'm gettin' that kidney.

However, I do want to do a sort of pre-fundraiser. Not for myself, but for the victims of the Southeast Asia tsunamis. Honestly, I have to say, I was nervous to so, what with my own problems. I'm not Sandra Bullock or Leonardo DiCaprio, giving up millions of dollars. Hell, I'm doing my best to get by myself. But, I do have a webpage. I do have a heart. I know when I do my own fundraising, there will be people who won't know who the heck I am, but I hope would hopefully give. So, that's what I did. I have given ten dollars to the American Red Cross, in honor of The Real Sam Johnson Show.

I'm asking you know, please help. Even if it's not one hundred dollars, even if it's five bucks, please help them. You will feel like you've done something good in the end, and you never know when someone close to you very soon will need a helping hand. HINT-HINT...

The Spirit WAS Willing...

You know how popular Graphic Novels are these days? How you can not read The New Yoek Times or other major newspapers without seeing how wonderful they are? You can thank Will Eisner for that. He created a character in the early 40's named The Spirit that was and is the most popular aventure heroes of all time. Will then went on to write and draw stories in a an amazing style that has influenced many in the comic book business.

Will Eisner passed away on January 3rd after having heart surgery. His talent and his caring of sequential art will be surely missed.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

A Warning to Married Folk:

Stay married, if you can. You don't want to be on the singles list.

Tonight, I went out to try to enjoy myself, by myself. With the weather being nice and and all here (highs of 75, lows of 50 here in Savannah), I figured I should step out and try and have some kind of fun and meet women. Let me tell ya, I had neither. I wound up going to my old place of work, Wet Willie's, and sung in their karaoke spectacular. Needless to say, I was the only one singing, because I could actually sing. That seems to be the only real talent I have, singing. I wish I could use it more often, that way I could meet women. However, not many women hang out at bars that have karaoke. At least, reputable women. At Wet Willie's, that is.

From there, I went to Mercury Lounge to have fun and meet women, but all I wound up doing was watching the BCS Championship. USC compleatly destoyed the Sooners and that bummed me out more. I'm not sure what a sooner actually is, but I feel like one tonight.

So, I'm back at home in my pj's, writing this. At some point this year however, I hope to meet a woman who gets the jokes I write for this thing. Until then, you, dear reader are stuck with me. I am going to whine and complain inbetween the funny ha-ha until Miss Right comes along. You better pray I meet someone soon.

Monday, January 03, 2005

There Is Another...

2005 will be a very good year, I hope. I've just gotten around to cleaning my bedroom, without haste. Ok, I just got the ironing board out of the way, but it's a start. However, I do hope things turn out well this year. One of the things I would love to do is seek out other bloggers here in Savannah, Georgia. Other regular bloggers. Not folks who think this is just a stupid fad. I looked thru Blogger to see if there were any who do this on a regular basis. Believe it or not, I actually found two.

I actually met Steve and Marigold Haske at The Bar Bar on New Years Night. There were only a few folks there, since folks were probably too hungover to leave the house from the night before. Steve walked up to the DJ booth and asked, "Are you Sam Johnson"? In my bored state of mind, I answered, "Unfortunaltly tonight, I am". I found out he's read the blog and remembered I worked there and wanted to introduce himself and his wife, who are both very nice folks. Its too bad they had to witness what was the most pathetic night I've ever seen working in a club. There were folks there who couldn't dance at the end of a rope, or too hungover to dance. And, Steve, Marigold and I were witness to it all. Hopefully, we can meet again in better circumstances.

Both Steve and Marigold have blogs of their own. I've read them both and they update them regularly. Both are wonderful reads. So now, along with Ivan Shreve Jr.'s Thrilling Days Of Yesteryear, there are FOUR REALLY GOOD BLOGS FROM SAVANNAH, GEORGIA! Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present The League Of Savannah Bloggers! Now if we can get the rest of those bums in town together with their blogs, we could be a formidable team...

Saturday, January 01, 2005

The Single Guy's Recipe For Making Oatmeal Cookies

Recipe courtesy Paula Deen of Paula's Home Cooking

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened; 1/2 cup vegetable shortening; 1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar; 2 eggs 1/2 cup buttermilk; 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour; 1 teaspoon baking soda; 1/2 teaspoon salt; 1 teaspoon baking powder; 1 teaspoon ground ginger; 1 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg; 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon; 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves; 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice; 2 1/2 cups quick-cooking oatmeal; 1 cup raisins; 1 1/2 cups chopped walnuts; 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract.

First, get a craving for oatmeal cookies. Tell yourself you can make these, then go online for recipe. Go to store and buy items and other stuff you don't need, like Doritos and root beer. Lug stuff up a flight of stairs and drop them on kitchen counter. Drop self on couch and turn on television to watch "Power Rangers". Then, fall asleep. Wake up two hours later and walk in kitchen. Say to yourself you can make these cookies. Stare at ingredients. Call up a woman. Tell her your making cookies and ask her if she wants to come over and help. Listen to excuse. Tell her they're OATMEAL COOKIES. Listen to her hang up. Grab Doritos and root beer, go back to couch and turn on "Napoleon Dynamite" DVD. Maybe make cookies one day. Yum.

I'm Wasted

This is a semi-drunken blog, the first post of 2005. I'll have to give details later, but it involves a Come To Jesus Meeting with the co-owner of The Bar Bar, loud music, and Jameson Irish Whiskey. Lots of Jameson Irish Whiskey. I mean, I sobered up enough to get home, but I can still feel the buzz. What a way to kick in the new year. Anyway, I shall be funny later. That is, if one can be funny after a hangover. I hope you had as good of a new year blow out as I did, without the wole hangover thing. Stupid hangover...