Monday, October 31, 2005

In Defence Of Candy Corn

Halloween has now come and gone and now the best part begins: The unvieling of the booty. That is, all the candy you made out with this year. Unveiling your booty should be done at a later time and with a loved one. Still, there's nothing like opening the bag on the table and leting all the sweets spill out, while your eyes grow in amazement. Now, when you were a kid, that was a great time. You picked through all the crap candy and kept the good ones. The crap candy you gave to your kid brother since he didn't get much and your mother told you to share it. You know you did that.

Now that you're older and you have kids possibly, you now see the that sugar glow in their eyes, as you know they hit the motherlode and will rip though that candy like a weasel on meth. So, it's up to you to hide it and give it to them sparingly, lest you have a spinning ankle biter around your house for weeks. Plus, you can sneak off with the ones you want and they'll never know the difference from being on a sucrose high. You candy thief.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

What Happens on Halloween, Stays On Halloween

Had a long day yesterday at the studio, so after work I wound up going to a Halloween party. Now, I had planned on going as a pimp. I picked out the perfect purple cape and a crushed velvet purple hat from the costume store ealier in the day and had planned on getting them after work, but I got caught up in the radio. I wound up adapting ad improvising instead and became a priest with the help of white paper and Scotch tape. Thank God I was wearing all black, or I wouldn't have been able to pull of anything. Everything worked out in the long run, though. In fact, because I was playing a priest, I got a couple of go confessions that night. If you get my drift.

Yep..The Pope woulda hated me last night.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Help Hulk Help A Kitty

My dear freind The Incredible Hulk is having a little fundraiser to help out a kitten who was injured badly after being hit by a car. The cat's name is "Savannah". How could I not help out somehow? If you can, please stop by Hulk's site and find out how you can make a donation to help with Savannah's care while recuperating. Or you can send your doantion to this address...
North Laurel Animal Hospital
9105 Suite P All Saints Rd.
Laurel, MD 20723
(You can call them at 301-953-7387 if you want.)

Don't you wish you had a pal like Hulk, by the way?

Thursday, October 27, 2005


Things I learned from watching "The Apprentice" tonight for the first time in months:

1: Carolyn is not Trump. She is Carolyn.
2: Bill isn't George, either.
3: All these new guys stink. Like Omerosa on ice.
4: Never, EVER do below 34 percent around Trump.
5, and this is important: Don't let Trump fire you and three other folks AT THE SAME TIME, while he's in a tux. On broadcast television. He comes off as ultra classy and you come of looking like the fool who'll always be remembered on morning chat shows as "one of the fantastic four that got Schmitt-canned at the same time".


Wednesday, October 26, 2005

"You're a Real Ball Buster!"

This is possibly the greatest REAL commercial that ever ran. EVER.

If you remember Mego toys from the seventies, then you may have heard of this. They wern't greatest of toys, even if they had dolls of The Worlds Greatest Super Heroes, and their commericals prove it. Needless to say, their spot for the family game "Ball Buster" (REAL NAME HERE, FOLKS!)was, inintentional or not, the funniest commercial ever made. Prove me wrong.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Miss Parks

I held off on saying anyhthing about Rosa Parks until now. I kinda figured that everyone else would have by now and already did. I actually found out about her death at the radio staion last night and it was quickly announced. Soon, it was all over the web and the stories kept pouring out. It makes me wonder if she knew then that taking a stand as she did would change the course of a country and how much of a figure she became with just one simple statement. Maybe we should all remember that it only takes one little spark to start a fire.

Thank you, Miss Parks. From my heart and soul.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Dating Questions

Y'know, ever since I've syndicated the RSJS on Yahoo360 and signed up on MySpace, I've become a hit with the ladies. Mind you, I have never met any of them, and really doubt I will, but somehow, they all think I'm...Well, good looking. I like the compliments and all, but sometimes it can get interesting. I got one letter from a woman who wanted to know more about me, so she sent me a questionaire. A FREAKIN' QUESTIONAIRE. I've never talked to this person before, and she's possibly very nice, but this is just too much. I feel like I'm talking to James Lipton on this thing. So, just to show you all, I'm posting here my exact response to her Q and A, uncut. I think you all know me well enough to know that I never take these things seriously, so you know this will be a good read. Her questions are in bold, BTW.
Personal Info Since you wanna be nosey. :)
Gender: A male since 1966
Location : Savannah, Georgia
Height :5'10"
Build: Not too bad. Could use a touch up in a couple of places.
Hair : Shaved.
Eyes: Brown. "Brown Bedroom Eyes"? Get real, junior.
Marital Status : Divorced.
Children: None
Children home: n/a
Smoking : Yeah. Trying to quit.
Drinking : Not anymore.
Religion : Christian
More About Me: You're already asking for more? You're never satisfied, huh?
Education : God, what is this? a job application? Some college, if you gotta know...
Field of Work: Radio
Ethnicity : Black. Not African-American. Black.
Self-description : "He hunts the most dangerous of all game. Public enemies even the G-Men can't catch!" Too much there?
Looks: Like I need a drink
Mentality : You haven't figured that out already?
Politics: I could have been a Republican, but the pay is shitty.
Native Language: Southern
Originally From : Savannah
Great getaway : Anywhere where there's peace, quiet and a slushy machine.
Living quarters : Why? Need a roomamte?
Like to live: Someplace where I can ride a horse.
Timeliness : Aways in thirty minutes or it's free.
Planning: to run for something one day.
As for fashion : Look, I ain't no Puffy, but I dress well and iron my own clothes.
FavoritesMusic: Anything but chamber music and chanting monks
Movie : "Duck Soup" The Jerk" "A Face In The Crowd" Any good film that questions authority.
Outdoor activity : Mountain Climbing, bungee jumping, base climbing, skydiving.
Gotcha on that one, huh?
Indoor activity: Reading, wrting, cooking. Not to be a jerk and all, but the guy above me sure is sure of himself, huh?
Time of year : Christmas
Food : Asian/Japanese
ICE CREAM: Strawberry
BEVERAGE: When I was REALLY drinking, Jameson Irish Whiskey. Now that I don't, frozen lemonade.
Why do I want to get 2 know you? Because...
What would you like to do on a first date? Get to know each other.
Why you should get to know me: Because you seem like someone interesting
What have past relationships taught you? Never date someone with a wig.
Describe some of the most important things in your life: Being able to wake up the next morning and taking a deep breath. Everything else is just there.
Describe your perfect day: Read statement above.
One final thing I'd like to mention...: In case you were wondering, I don't date interacially. I just date WOMEN. It really doesn't matter what color you are. Just be a nice looking woman with some smarts about her and things will work out fine. I hope this answers everything for you.

By the way, if you do like these answers, let me know, as I feel like I just went on a job hunt here and won't get the gig.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Ol' Blog Roundup

We haven't done this in a while, so let's see what's going on with the other guys these days in alphabectical order of the blogs...

Randy has a great joke about rednecks, which I know alot about here in Savannah.

Pandora has a brand new banner and some great photos on her site these days.

Kevin has been doing some great photo comics these days, including one featuring me and his newest character, Otter-Prime. Don't ask.

Spike has got a song Charles Manson wrote for The Beach Boys (really), The Walker Brothers, and my third favorite sixites band, PAUL REVERE AND THE RAIDERS selling cars for Dodge.

David has a great meme where you Google your name, then type in needs. I keep getting "You for the U.S. Army".

Tiffany needs help putting together a contest for work. Can you help her?

Brent talks about the new video Ipod, which was invented years ago on The Jetsons.

Tom and Stephen are now featuring Degas artwork for you culture vultures

Mike talks about never made action figures. Do we really need a Deep Throat figure? Them boys in that comic book store have too much time on their hands.

Me? I'm still on My Space.

Mark has an interesting look of the new Ramones box set, which includes a comic book. You gotta hook 'em in, somehow.

Monkey hasn't returned. Does ANYONE know how he's doing?

Swan Shadow talks about his recent problem with sleep apnea, which suffered from awhile back and understand how dangerous it can be. Good luck and God bless, freind.

Johnny Bacardi gives a tribute to Chuck Berry, who turns 79. Damn, how cool is that?

Miss RSJS (you almost forgot about that, huh?) Redneck Diva did David's meme, it seems.

Ivan reviews the new "Buffalo Bill: The Complete Series" DVD box set, gets called "Jim" in the comments, and will be invited to the next Kareoke Crawl next month ( Hey, it was a last minute thing. Plus, you were working, you said.)

The Retropolitan has been featuring cool Halloween stuff on his site lately and is running a contest.

If you've been looking for Wil Wheaton, here he is.

If I missed you, let me know. Bye!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I'm The New Carson Daly

Tonight's a change of pace for me radio wise, as I'm filling in for the 7pm to midnight jock on WZAT FM. It's interesting, since that was one of the first radio staions I ever worked for back in 1986. Back then, it was Duran Duran, B-52's, ABC, Madonna, all the fun stuff. Now, it's Green Day, Black Eyed Peas, Kelly Clarkson, 3 Doors Down and Madonna. This should be a good show.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Patriotism Is Now Dead

Okay, I wrote that to get you hooked on NERD NEWS! Well, kinda...

The picture you se above is for the first issue of "Infinite Crisis", DC Comics reboot of its superheros for the 21th century. I've read this book and I gotta say I was blown away. Batman has created a rouge satelite that was built to stop any hero that went over the line, but has now become sentient. Wonder Woman has killed a man who was mentally taken over Superman and now video of it has been shown around the world. Magic has been wiped out. Villians have become meaner and deadlier after finding out they were magically lobotomized by the Justice League to stop their rampages. An alien war has broken out across the galaxy. Oh, and one more thing...

Uncle Sam was killed.

Read that again then come back to me.

Yep, Uncle Sam. The Spirit of America. In comics since 1941. Face down in a pool. Pushin' up daisies. If you shoved 10,000 volts up his butt, it wouldn't do a thing. This is a dead Uncle Sam.

I'm waiting for Rush and the others to jump on this one. Was it a political statement? Was it just just a shock treatment for the readers?

You'll have to check it out for yourselves. Besides, in comics no one ever realy dies. They always seem to come back somehow. Plus, it's a good read. The New York Times even said so.

How Much is Your Blog Worth?

My blog is worth $10,000,000.00.
How much is your blog worth?

Okay, I cheated. It really ain't worth squat according to these guys. But, since I've been learing how to work with code, I'm just gonna use my powers today for EVIL.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Singing Fool

Man, I had a wild night last night. You've had those...The ones where you say after going all out stupid, "I'll never do that again", yet you do it again because it was too much fun the first time and you don't wanna feel bored. Well, last night was the very first Kareoke Crawl. What it is is calling together a bunch of freinds, finding the sleaziest bar in town with kareoke, sing the cheesiest songs they have and get drunk. Now, I didn't get drunk, but everyone else did. I did sing the cheesiest songs they had, however.

It all started around ten-thirty Saturday night, as soon as I got off the air. I met the gang at a place called The Captain's Lounge. Now, this joint has the reputation of being the roughest bar in town. It is a place where the men are men, the women are ugly and all of them are drunk as hell. What a perfect place for kareoke! There's about seven of us in this place, which was a good thing, as if a fight breaks out, at least we had each other's backs.

Anyways, the evening wore on and the guys were really getting boozed up. Soon the songs we started to pick became worse and worse. I chose the catagory of songs that each person had to sing: Eighties metal. Soon, there was Poison, Winger, Exteme, and just plain bad music being sung badly. I chose Dangiz's "Mother", which was the worse. Mind you, I can sing and quite well. But, not Danzig's "Mother". Danzig's mother can't sing "Mother" without looking stupid.

We all ended the evening with a trip to the local Denny's to comment how lousy the songs were, but how much fun they all had. I think this is going to be a monthly event, hitting a new bar each time with a new kareoke catagory. I'm thinking all Neil Diamond the next time around.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Mr. Sandman, Put Me To Sleep

I'm still awake at 2am. I should be relaxed, but I'm having surgury again later this morning. So, I thought I'd just jot off a message to you guys quickly. In case your wondering, the surgury ias happening to my right arm for a new fistula, as the one in my left arm is damaged. I'm not happy about it, but this is for dialysis and if I don't get it done, then I'll have to continue to wear this catheter in my chest. Have I mentioned how much I hate this thing right now? I mean, other than Frankenstine's Monster, who walks around with tubes in their chest? Yep, it blows, folks.

Anyways, I just wanted to say hi to you guys. Hope you liked "Weapons Of Choice" by Fatman Slim and dancing by the great Chris Walken. If you've never seen it before, watch it now. 'Cause when I get back, I'm takin' it down. I need room here. See you on Friday.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

We Need A Slogan...

I found something online that generates advertisong slogans with your name or whatever. This is really cool. Here's some I got when using "The Real Sam Johnson Show"...

Hungry? Why Wait? Grab a The Real Sam Johnson Show.

151 Countries, One The Real Sam Johnson Show.

Fill It To The Rim With The Real Sam Johnson Show

Nothin' Says Lovin' Like The Real Sam Johnson Show from the Oven.

The Real Sam Johnson Show Sign Means Happy Motoring.

The Real Sam Johnson Show - It Looks Good on You.

You gotta try this one out...They're grrrreat!

My Pals @ MySpace

Most of you may have gotten an email from me stating that I just joined MySpace and looking for freinds to sign up as well. Since signing on, I've gained 27 new freinds there, including fellow bloggers Ivan, David, Evan, Humanity Critic and Kevin. If you know me well, I'm always looking for freinds to have around, so I'm asking you to join in. As an extra added treat, I'm also posting there from time to time. Mind you, this is a bit more rauchier than you would normally read from me, so let's just say it's PG-13 while this is PG. Still, it's a great place to meet new folks you may have something in common with. So, sign up and add me the other guys here and let's be freinds. We promise we won't track mud on the carpet.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Folks I Kinda Look Like

Charles S. Dutton

Keenan Thompson
Chi Mc Bride Shaq

Michael Chiklis Clyde Crashcup
I added that one since nobody ever talks about him anymore.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

And Now, A Word From Sam

Hey, you gotta laugh at life sometimes. It's healthy. Big ups to Beaucoupkevin who put this together at my request and filled in the words. Please visit his site, as he has no friends, lives in Boston and still listens to The Pet Shop Boys like it's 1985.

Chi McBride now, huh Kevin? Go Yankees.


Today, I did the charitable thing and participated in the Lib Lines Bowling For Boobs tournament with WEAS and the other stations of Cumulus here in Savannah. For the record, I'm soooo glad it was to raise funds to stop breast cancer. Because, I sucked. Lewinski sucked.

A 23! WHO THE HELL BOWLS A 23!? Me, that's who. I looked like Barney Rubble on meth out there, just chuking the dang thing down the lane and looking like a dope everytime. What's worse, I was on THE BOSS'S TEAM. Doomed, I am. Doomed at the next office party.

At least I beat an eight year old.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Song Of The Moment-October Edition

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a foo
lTo worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

"Stuck In A Moment"-U2 "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb"

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Who Wants A No-Prize?

The three funniest punch lines to the Tom and Katie joke win. Good luck!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Dawson's Crock or All The Wrong Moves

I hear Katie Holmes is having Tom Cruise's baby.

Must be time for their DVD release.


They plan on naming the baby "Psycho Couch Jumping Publicity Hog Cruise".


In honor of Nick Cage naming their new baby after Superman, Tom and Katie will name their kid after Sonny the Coo-coo Bird.

Slow news day again.

Go Braves.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I'm Goin' To Somebody's Neck Of The Woods And Take Down A Tree Or Two

You really wanna piss me off? Tell me I look like Al Roker. To my face.

I 've before that all of us Black guys look the same, but this is too much. Tell me I look like Eric LaSalle. I look like Shaq. I even look like Gary friggin' Coleman after a bender and a strech rack. But don't tell me I look like Al Roker. I don't hate the guy, but we have a sorrid past. Really.

It happened again today as I was paying my light bill. The lady behind the counter was very nice and possibly meant no harm. As I pulled the money out of my wallet, she said to me in a soft voice, "Has anyone ever told you that you look so much like AL Roker?" I silently stood their for a moment and just stared at her, then said, "Way too many times, ma'am. I can't stand it. I hate it. Since you insulted me, think you can discount my bill and make me feel better?" No joke, right hand to Jeebus. I said that. No discount. I shoulda got it.

Now, I don't wish Al any ill will at all. I just wish he wouldn't be so freindly on tv. You know..Just get buck wild one morning after not getting his first cuppa coffee. That way, he'd be
America's Most Dangerous Weatherman and when folks say I look like him, they would have a sense of fear when I walk up. I'd give a little old gray haired lady her brown back in a sec.

Al and I even have a bit of a past, beleive it or not, which is mostly the reason for my anger. See Al's wife is named Deborah Roberts, who is a reporter for ABC's 20/20. Deborah was born in a little hamlet called Perry, Georgia. Now, there are lots of Roberts there, as most of them are related. Now, my ex-wife Janice Tharpe is from Perry as well. You know where I'm going with this now, don't you?
Good looking woman, huh? Runs in the family.

As it turns out, Jan's mothers maiden name was Roberts and that made Deborah her neice and Jan's cousin. Which made Al her cousin-in law. Which made, that's right, AL MY COUSIN-IN LAW. By the way, Deborah and Jan look alot alike. AKWARD.

Once again, I don't wish Al any ill will at all. He's doin' his thing and I'm doin' mine. He just has a cool tv deal and I have a cool radio deal. I just wonder if folks have ever said to him he looks like me.

Now, here's Al...

And, here's me.

And, here's a photo of Abe Vigoda. Because I liked "Fish".

Lord, This Fool Done Got On MySpace!

Yep, I set up a little thing on MySpace for those who like their posts shorter. Yeah, like that's gonn happen anytime soon. Go check it out and let me know what you think!

Victory Is Mine!

I treated myself today after weeks of crap with the new Family Guy movie and I gotta tell ya, it's good. If you're a fan of the show, then you'll this. If you're not a fan and you're wonering what all the fuss is about, I warn you know. It's actually three future episodes cut together to make it a movie. It's still pretty good and worth watching before Fox cut into it for broadcast airing. Here's just a few lines...

Brian: "I just jumped in the trash and ate some chocolate."

Lois: "Peter, get onnn. GET ONNNN."

Quagmire: "Now that I ate, I can't get in the pool for thrity minutes!"

Stewie: "I say, did they ever find a suitable vehicle for Ellen Claghorn?"

Drew Barrymore: "Look how red my tongue is!"

I'm not gonna ruin it for you otherwise. Just pick it up when you get a chance. Otherwise, you can go to the website and pick up a Stewie Griffin communicator for your desktop, or just make him dance all day.

Yep, slow newsday here, kids.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Britney's Changing Her Kid's Name To Sad Sack Spears

Forget Moon Unit. Forget Apple. Forget Rumor ans Scout. Nicholas Cage has you all beat. He's the proud father of a bouncing baby boy as of today named...


I know Hollywood was running out of ideas, but this is too much.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

That's Me!

I started the day off by watching a couple of shows from "You Bet Your Life: The Lost Episodes" dvd set. These were the ones that were never really syndicated over the years, but they're still great. Groucho Marx knew how to draw out a laugh or two from a crowd. I just needed to have a chuckle on Sunday morning. So, it's to my surprize today that it's Groucho's 115 birthday! Kinda wild, if you ask me. Anyways, here's a link to Mark Evanier's site and some of his Groucho tales. Mark always has good Hollywood stories. Because he lives near Hollywood and works there.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Looking for something to do this weekend?

Yahoo! Avatars

Go to Yahoo and build you one of them there avatar thingies!