Sunday, August 27, 2006

Sams On A Blog

With the new Sam site, it had me wondering about the various Sams that are out there. The first thing I think of is the fact that some folks I know have dogs named Sam. To me, it's kind of an insult. To hear somebody say "go fetch it, Sam" is like a kick in the gut. I'll bet you'd hate it if somebody gave their pet your name. So today, I'm taking taking that name back. You folks will have to name your canines something else at this point. Perhaps you should try "Tralfaz". That's a good name for a pooch.

Now as far as I know, I have two other Sams here on my blogroll, the aformentioned Sam's Site and Sam's Stories. I need to mention that the latter is a woman and I have nothing against that. Still, it shows that Sams can either be male or female, either Samuel or Samantha. It's the name that says it all.

So how about famous Sams, you say? I've just picked a few from the bunch, most of them the usual suspects, of course. You already know Samuel L. Jackson, but how about these guys? Okay, let's start first with Sam Elliott. If ever a Remington painting of a cowboy came to life, it would be this guy. Laid back and old west cool describes him perfectly. Only Elliott could top Jackson as The King of Cool for "Lonesome Dove", "The Big Lewbowski" AND "Roadhouse" alone. But Sam Jackson was a Jedi, so that trumps it.

Okay, next is Samantha Stephens. This Sam is so bad ass, she got sick of looking at her first husband, got a new guy and made everybody think he was the first one.

Now Sam is a common name, but having to share my last name as well seriously blows. I know that there were Sam Johnson before me and there'll more after me. I even did a Google search and found photos of a bunch of them (I'm not even in the fiirst ten pages, gawt dangit), but the fact that this one above, a State Repesenative from Texas shown here with fellow Texan Tom DeLay just tells me one thing. ALL you Sam Johnsons out there can bite me. Every last one of you pretenders. Except for the British one.

I know that there are other Sams out there, millions of 'em. I just don't feel like looking for them all. So this Sam is off to do what Sams do best. Relax with a Sam Adams they bought from the Sam's Club, of course.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Sams Forever

The Sams Leaderboard

I finally have found a place where I belong. One where Sams of the world can come together and just be all Sammy-like. Of cousre, if you're not a Sam, you're more than welcome to watch the mayhem we'll start up. Oh, yes...The rise of the Sam-a-rama has begun.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The Johnson Report

Dear Stephen Colbert,

I understand that you are looking for a Black friend. Well sir, let me throw my hat in the ring for your cameraderie. The way I see it, we can both benefit from all of this. You will be able to use my racial standing in arguments on why you were out late ( "But dear, I was out with my Black friend. You know how they like to hang out") and gaining a possible Ghetto Pass, while I will use you as a credit reference and a possible crack at Jessica Biel. With your white money and my Black smoothness, we can take the world by storm like Ben Vereen and Jeff Goldblum in "Tenspeed and Brownshoe". Drop me a line and let's hook up at a Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles to work out the details.

Your new Black Friend (until you say something stupid),

Sam Johnson

Sunday, August 20, 2006

The Wedding Singer

On Saturday I was invited, no, TOLD that I was be at my friends Annie and Chris' wedding and that I WILL wear a tux and that I WILL host the reception by the bride. I know Anniw way too well and if I didn't, I would face pure hell. So, who am I to argue with? I cowered and showed up, moneky suit and all. Now for the record, let me say that looked pretty slick when I man up and that it was the first time I'd been a tux ever (my 1983 junior prom doesn't count since the tux was a dark shade of scarlet with ruffles and I didn't have a date) and I wanted everything to go perfect for the new couple. The downside of it was the heat since it outside and I was sweating my butt off. It also doen't help that being black and wearing black draws alot of heat. It's true. Ask a black guy next time you see him and tell him when you ask you heard it from another black guy.

Anyways, things were going well. We had an actual band there instead of a DJ, which I honestly didn't want to. Plus the group, a blues trio called The Hitmen wasn't a wedding band. These guys played blistering hard blues that made your grandmother get up and dance. When I announced them on, I mentioned to the crowd that if they were ready to do the typical Chicken Dance or The Electric Slide, then they better find another wedding party. The guitar solos from the band's leader Brett proved my point during "Hey, Joe". Those guys rawked. UNTIL...

At one point, it was time for the bride and groom's first dance and the song chosen was The Beatles tune "In My Life". Brett had forgotten however that were supposed to do the song when asked to do the wedding months back and never learned the tune, so had to learn it quickly so it could be performed, words and all. Fortunetly, his bassist and my good friend Andy Pena and I sat down and worked on trying to remember the lyrics and musical notes for him. However, we wound up getting stumped on the tune, so I called my other good friend CJ to search online for words, which she got for us in the nick of time.

So now it comes down to Brett getting the notes right to play and learn the lyrics, but he didn't want to sing the song since he didn't know it well enough. So guess who wound up singing? Yep, right Sam, wrong last name. "Black Snake Moan" doesn't come out for a while, so my "Bad Ass" title trumps him on this one. FOR NOW. And, I did it in a tux.

I gotta say, it felt really good to sing in public again with a band. I honestly haven't done it in a couple of years and have been yearing to sing without a net again. Kareoke doesn't count. With a band, there's a much looser feeling. You can read the words on the screen at home and be as crappy as you want. If you're gonna stand in front of a crowd and vocalize surrounded by musicians, you better have the balls, if not the chops to back it up. Somebody remind "American Idol" and "Rock Star: Supernova" that.

I've kinda kept the fact that I CAN sing a secret from the readers here since I've started my blog. I'm a low tenor/mid baritone as I found out in high school. I've sung pick up in lots of open mic nights but I've never fronted my own band due to just not searching any out. Besides, I'm so ecclectic with my music, it makes me wonder would anyone want to play along while I jump from Brothers Johnson to Love to Johnny Cash to Ben Lee (which I love "Catch My Disease". I know it's over a year old, but I'm finally enjoying it. You can hear it here on my My Space Page.) Anyway when it was all said and done, everyone applauded and told me I sounded great without a "bless his heart" or anything and that felt cooling with all the heat. Andy surprised me when he said that I really missed my calling. You know, maybe I have. I'm gonna do something to remedy that.

This Tuesday, I'm gonna go sing at Open Mic night at Savannah Blues. I have no freakin' clue what to sing, but I'm gonna find something. Nothing soft...Just plain slick and nasty. I know The Hitmen are playing that night, so that'll be fun. So, if you're in town that night, stop by. I'll be the guy doing "Cult Of Personality" by Living Color.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

One Snake Leads To Another

Now, how's this for a follow up to SoaP? Here's the poster for Sam Jackson's newest, "Black Snake Moan", the latest film by the director of "Hustle and Flow". Once again, the name of this movie plus the posters are a winner for me. It just proves that anyone named Sam doesn't suck and are bad ass.
This poster with Christina Ricci also helps.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Snakes on a Plane-ish

Okay, here's what had happened.

I was supposed to go Thursday night to the SoaP premiere, however after a long day of dialysis, combined with other stupid crap, I wound up missing out on the fun. So if you've seen it how about a mini review and share your feelings on the film. I truly do think I may have missed out on the event of the year and everything afterwards will be leftovers. If I don't go see it this weekend, I may as well not see it at all. I think it be like a helium balloon with just a wift of air left inside. I felt the same thing for "Blair Witch" when I saw it on DVD after having missed it in the theaters, so the saem could happen this time around as well. I may as well have good memories of it now.

By the way, the photo above comes from the biggest supporter of SoaP, Snakes on a Blog, which became so popular, the guy in charge of the blog got an invite to the Hollywood premiere. So, enjoy the frenzy now people. I have a feeling by next Friday, we could be in loe with another film.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Geeks In A Theater

I just got word that "Snakes On A Plane" will be be shown across the country this Thirsday night around around ten to get the jump on the weekend box office and attept to be come the number one film. That sounds like a good idea and I plan on going at that time. If you live here in the Savannah area and would like to check it out together, drop me a line in the commentsa nd we can get a SoaP party going. I'll also try to have a review up of the event (I say "event" after all the fan hype) as it won't be screened for movie critics beforehand. Which really doesn't matter at this point. New Line obviously has made this for fans and fans alone it seems and is selling it as a cultural phenominon in ads. I say, bring on the snakes!

Sunday, August 13, 2006


I had planned to post more vids yesterday, but the work day was long and then to follow it with dialysis was tough. So we're just gonna post a few more here today. Hope you like them.

Here's his first major video, "Turn This Mutha Out" from 1988. There were already rapper/dance acts making the rounds, but there was something different about Hammer that folks seem to like. He was different than most, being from Oakland and not gaining respect from the East Coast, where rap began. So when Hammer does show up on the scene and asked what he's gonna do about it in this clip, he sets up his first run of hits.

Here's the follow up to the last one, "They Put Me In The Mix", with concert footage shot in Detroit. I really miss that town.

Here of course is the song that put him over the top, "U Can't Touch This". Personally, it's not one of my favorites, plus when it came out in 1990, it was everywhere to the point that I was sick of it. But, it made The Hammer (and Rick James, bitch) millions, helped to bridge white audiences with rap and would be the beginning of the best "Behind The Music" ever.

Here's the video for "2 Legit 2 Quit" from 1991 and the album of the same name. Even though it sold strong from the start, it didn't sell as well the last ("Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'em" was the first hip hop album to go Diamond, selling over 10 million units) and began a downward spiral that included bankrupcy, the death of friend Tupac Shakur and recently, the selling of his rights to the songs he made famous. Though it all, Hammer still stands.

He still records and as of now has a new single out called "Look, Look", produced by Scott Storch. He also speads his gospel roots in his own church in California and on the air weekly on Trinity Broadcasting. Plus, his appearance on VH1's The Surreal Life has kept him in the spotlight. But with everything that's happened, he's held on to his sence of humor about it. Here's a recenct commercial featuring Hammer telling a 30 second history about his life.

So, that's about it. There are more videos I could run (I've been debating on "Pumps and a Bump" which was his first single for Giant after he left Capitol. The vision of Hammer in a banana hammock will either frighten or tintilate you). But, I just wanted to post a few here just to give the guy his props and how much more fun music was just a few years ago. I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did and maybe the next time you see someone butcher "U Can't Touch This" and try to do the Chinese Typewriter during kareoke, you'll walk up to them and yell, "Stop! Hammer Time!"

UPDATE Even though I had just posted this just minutes ago, I had to do a sort up epiloge to it. I decided to do this on the spur of the moment on Thursday just for a lark and when I found the clips, I really never got watch them closely. I finally got around to taking a look a couple of them and it made me think that hip hop these days doesn't really have a showmman like that anymore. In rap these days, the norm is to be "hard" with the style I like to call "crack rap", with stories about slinging drugs and making paper. I may have had my tonge in cheek when I posted the videos, but it makes me long for when rappers were just in the club to have a good time and get their groove on without "throwin' bows" and "lettin' their chain hang low".

I also found out Hammer has his own blog as well. Check him out and tell him thanks for the good time.

Saturday, August 12, 2006


It's around 6:30 in the morning here on a Saturday and I'm here at work. While I'm here, I may as well enjoy some cartoons on the tube. You may want to do the same as we continue on with our MC Hammer Weekend. Yes, Hammer had a Saturday morning cartoon, called "Hammerman". It ran on ABC in 1991 and produced by DIC, who also produced the New Kids On The Block's animated show and also had an animated Milli Vanilli show up with the Super Mario Brothers. Let's just say that these guys should never be allowed to pick up pen and pencil ever again after that one. And this one. "Hammerman" was about a guy named Stanley who inherited a pair of talking shoes from a former dancing superhero and takes on the bad guys. Yeah, everyone else thought it sucked too and it was canceled mid season. But we still have the memories. And evidence that sometimes, you can't turn crap into gold. See for yourself.

Friday, August 11, 2006

MC HAMMER WEEKEND-B Angie B-I Don't Wanna Lose Your Love

Here we are with another MC Hammer vid, kinda. This one features one of his many side projects, producing acts such as Oaktown 357 and singer B Angie B, who was also one of his background singers. She actually had a top ten R&B hit with this song in 1991, a cover of The Emotions 1977 hit. It's still pretty slammin'. Does anyone still use the word "slammin'" by the way? More later...

Thursday, August 10, 2006

MC HAMMER WEEKEND- Here Comes The Hammer

I know what some of you may be thinking. Why the hell is he posting Hammer videos? Because...I want to. And you really don't see guys like this anymore. Honestly, MC Hammer was one of the best perfomers to come out of the ninties. AYeah, I've seen the VH1 Behind The Music story over and over, how he had it and how he lost it all. But you have to hand it to him. When Hammer did have it, he was the best. Taking old school funk beats, mixing it with James Brown's moves and the right dash of hip hop at the time he came out wasn't his creation, but he somehow showed up at the right place at the right time. So, here he is from his 1991 Japan tour with "Here Comes The Hammer", which uses a live band and music of the Godfather Of Soul. Check in all weekend, because there's more Hammer videos on the way.


I'm in a mood today. A funky mood. So this weekend, it's a MC HAMMER WEEKEND! That's right: All the posts with weekend will be about Stanley Burrell, A.K.A. The Hammer. So, let's kick it all off with one of the catchiest tunes ever, "The Addams Groove" that mixes rap and the "Addams Family" theme. I'll bet you'll be singing along to this one way after it's over.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

No More Klumps!

Today is a good day. I have regular televison again, meaning I have Dish Network here in Casa De Sammy. I bought America's Top 120 package, which means I'm watching Turner Classic Movies again. This also means I'll never leave the house also, so any possibility of meaning the opposoite sex is destroyed unless I can get them to come over and watch some tv. But it's a good thing, folks. I saw a friend I haven't seen in over a year since my fundraiser and he told me I look great for a guy with kidney failure. So, I guess being a semi-hermit has worked out.

Another good thing about staying home is that Hollywood is making more and more direct to DVD movies. Okay, so most of them suck, but their catching up, especially in animation. Warner Brothers and DC Comics are producing films based on their books that aren't geared towrds kids, ala "Ultimate Avegeners" (good first film, by the way. I'm picking up U.A. 2 today.) and now I hear Jerry Lewis is working on a cartoon version of "The Nutty Professor". It's great to see Jerry back on the screen, even if it's a toon. But the man has gotten older and I don't think he'll be doing the pratfalls he did years ago. But, I'll be picking it up as soon as it's available. Now, if they slap "Snakes on a Plane" on DVD today, I'll never have to leave the house.

Monday, August 07, 2006



If you noticed in the previous post, there sits a picture of Motel 6 Hilton. Now we've had the whole "Bailey vs. Ginger, Wonder Woman vs. Catwoman" thing, but her vs. anyone from "Oz"? I'l take my chances in jail. I'll bet those guys get their shots. But I digress...

Get a load of the comment I got about it...

ok... for starters.... i understand perfectly the paris hilton is far from being the brightest crayon in the box. but, did you ever think to stop and look at half the people on earth? i mean how many people use their power, brawn, brain, or even their body to get ahead in the world? so even if you continue bashing people for who they are doesnt mean they are going to change by what you say. and infact those whom are ragged on more, are usually the toughest people. so... you should have at least enough respect and dignity to think of how what YOU say can effect others; stop spending all your time trying to hurt others to make yourselves feel better, and try using your time to better yourself and worry less about others.and not that i dont mean to offend anyone in any way. Jessy Lynn Homepage 08.07.06 - 10:51 pm #

Jessy, Jessy, Jessy...

I was gonna take it easy on you since I went to your My Space page and found out you were sixteen years old. Then I saw your photos. I wisah I was your dad so I could ground you until doomsday. I would take away every electronic apperatus you use and dare you to EVER TOUCH A COMPUTER AGAIN. You'd use a land line telephone and watch every tv channel that wasn't cable. Every stitch of clothing you'd wear comes from Wal-mart in the clearence section and the only friend you'd have would be imaginary. You, little lady, would be grounded forever. Because if you look up to something like Paris Hilton, then I'll be dammed if I'm gonna let my child grow up to be a idiotic, celebrity for nothing whore.

So let's get one thing clear here: PARIS HILTON IS A SKANKY, SKEEVY BAG OF ANTLERS WHO IS A DUMB AS A SOCK FILLED WITH LEMON JELLO. She only lives her life for the limelight. She started out famous by hiring a press agent to tell everyone where she goes to get drunk. If this is how you want to grow up and attempt to live your life as, then so do it. If you have the cash to get good p.r. , HILTON CASH, then go for it. I could give a damn. You ain't my kid. But I hope to God your parents know all about it and that they're enough to set you straight, kid.

To paraphrase Sean Connery in "The Untouchables", "They bring a skank, you bring penicilin. That's the Sam-a-rama way and that's how you do things."

(Drops mike and exits stage right)

Sunday, August 06, 2006

"Stars Are Blind (and dumb as a rock)"

Some of you may have noticed that the hit counter has been running alot lately here. Well, that's because of a certain sleepy eyed hotel heiress. If you remeber back in May we had the Celebrety Skank poll and this photo of Miz Paris was posted. Well ever since then, I've been getting over 1500 hits a day from around the world. Of course, none of those hits leaves a comment or anything since this is a site that uses words like "juxtaposition" (okay, not really). Let's just see how many hits we'll get now that we've reposted the shot and how many goofs will hate me forever for it. What does anyone even see in her in the first place? She's like a dumb bag of antlers.

Friday, August 04, 2006

An Actual Email

It's time for your readers to vote. Who's hotter Bailly or Loni.I'm a Loni Anderson fan myself. But I've always been a sucker for a nice set.

David A. Hewitt
Business Information Department


You may have missed it, but we did that one last year.
As you can imagine, it was a tie.


I thought it was Catwoman vs. Wonder Woman.
How about Barney the Dinosaur vs. Bin Laudin.

David A. Hewitt
Business Information Department


You are sooooooo reaching with that one.


Darth Smartass

Less than a minute, it's Star Wars and it's pretty dang funny.

Thursday, August 03, 2006


I have the sure fire smash hit sequel...


"I can't take these m**** f***** babies on this m**** f***** plane!"

This films speaks the truth. 60 million the first weekend, I predict. Oh, did I mention © 2006, Sam Johnson? Which means slushies for everybody. Oh yeah. Because next summer, it's BABIES ON A GAWT DAMN PLANE!

Screw "Pirates".

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Hot D-o Double-Gizzle

I could sit here and post something about Mel Gibson and his problems. But you know what? I won't. Today, I'd like to talk about hot dogs. That's right: Frankfurters. Wieners. Red hots.

On Monday, I went out with a friend at work to check out "Miami Vice" (good movie, more grim and more naked then the TV show), but we decided to get a bite to eat before the flick. We stepped into a place called The Dawg House when I had seen lots of times but had never gone inside. It's a theme restaurant, set around the University of Georgia and it's mascot, the bulldog. Being a bit of a fan, I had no problem with it and hoped that the food was good. Looking over their menu, I noticed that it was pretty simple. Burgers, pizza, chicken tenders, that kind of stuff. But, I noticed that they had a huge hot dog menu. Me being the guy that I am, decided to order what they call "The Bulldog Coney", which is a simple chili dog. Well, for the first time in forty years, I got the shock of my life. Hot dogs aren't supposed ot be this good.

Whenever I get a dog, it's usually boiled and the flavor is gone from it. If I get lucky and it's grilled, there still is no flavor. Either way, it's still blecch with no real flavor. However, the dogs I had at The Dawg House had a real taste of meat thathad been smoked over woods. The skin had a snap once you took a bite. I had never tasteed a hot dog like this ever and was in love from fist chomp to last. I will never buy another hot dog from anyone else ever again, whether it be from a grocery store or a stand on the corner.

I found out that the dogs were made by Koegel Meats out of Flint, Michigan and shpped here to the restaurant. It makes me sad to know that when I lived in Detroit in the early eighties I never knew about these guys. But it's nice to know that I now have new joy in life. Now, if I can only get folks to learn to eat their hot dogs with just mustard and not drown it in catsup. By the way, how do you do yours?