Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Wear Your Love Like Ape

Happy National Gorilla Suit Day, chaps! I'm wearing mine right now while I'm at class today, which is why I'm getting all the funny stares. But, at least the bullies are staying away. Mark Evanier has a rundown of all the other crazies who decided to get aboard the ape bandwagon this year on his site. To all of those folks, if you wouldn't mind jumping onto the Goth Girl Blog Day, that would be wonderful. Until then, here's the theme song for N.G.S.D., as performed by the Narobi Trio. I've gotta get back to class and scare the techer for an A.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

"Make the homies say 'Ho', make the girlies wanna scream"

Just a few vids before I have to trip back to the house. At some point, I have to get internet service back at home. I also should get a new car as well. Gee, which priority do you think will come first? Until then, we're stuck this way. You've got three new posts here, ending with this one and the two below. If you do it right, you can read one every other day and you won't feel like you're losing out.


I really should get web sevice soon. I hate leaving you all in the lurch.

First up is the new trailer for the new Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie coming out in March. If you're a fan of the show, then this will be perfect for you. If you've never seen the show on Adult Swim, check it out. Have lots of beer handy. You'll need it to understand it.

For David, here's a neat little thing. There have been only two appearences of Batman and The Green Honet together. Here's now a third, withthem appearing on Milton Berle's ABC variety show sometime in 1966 or '67. The copy's bad, but you can see Kato whup up on Berle's joke stealing butt.

Finally, it's Time for Timer! Who's ready for some Sunshine on a Stick?
Between October and December, we had The Big Three Holidays. Starting Wednesday and on the February 28th, there's the Not Quite As Big Three, begining with National Gorilla Suit Day. The name is explainatory. Put on a gorilla suit and go door to door. Getting bananas are optional and tuxs don't count as monkey suits that day. To find out more about it and it's founder Don Martin, please click here. I should not have to remind you all that gorillas are big moneys. And as we all know, MONKEYS IS FUNNY.

On February 14 is "Leave Me The Hell Alone Or I'll Punch You In The Mouth" Day. This is for single people fed up with never getting a Valentine's Day card. After being single now for FOUR YEARS (online relationships don't count), I'm as fed up as ever on that day. So, point blank. If you wanna be my girlfriend now, here's your chance. You must either live here in Savannah, live at least 20 miles near it, or willing to move. Must be good looking and like slushies. I may just do the same as undercover agent against evil The Retropolitan and come come up with a Valentine Application form. Do you like me? Check ( ) for yes, check ( ) for no.

Finally, on February 25 is Goth Girl Blog Day. which is fun if you have a blog and especially if you're a Goth Girl. You can be as depressing as you want that day and have some fun with it. Talk about how bad coffee makes you want to die. How the color black brings out your pale skin. Listen to lots of Sioxie and the Banshees that day and call yourself Bad Luck Schleprock. It's fun!
Wowsie-wowsie-woo-woo, y'all!

How's Classes Going?

If you were wondering or not, I'm doing pretty good in my new found role as a part time college student. The two classes I'm taking now, Stategies For Success and Psych 101 and pretty simple so far. The Strategies class is actually a reading comprehention class and thanks to having a blog, I should come out of it with a A, I hope. But, I have a term paper on cultural diversity due on the 19th and I haven't even started on yet. I'll try to remedy that today. Don't get me started on if they also teach on how to use your computer's spell check, by the way.

One thing that did happen to me over the week was that my 1993 Ford Escort has bit the dust. This was the car that my ex wife left holding the bills to when she split. It turned out that the clutch is locked up and won't budge and inch, so it just sits there in the yard now. Well, with the car finally giving up the ghost, I can now say that even though the divorce was final in 2003, the last thing that reminded me of her is almost gone! FREEDOM!!!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Three Posts of Sunday Rambling

The following three posts aren't in order and aren't to be read that way, but I posted them all in the same day and don't really want them to be missed. But if you have to check them all out, then this is the one you should see first.

Have you seen the new ads for Orville Redenbacher Popcorn yet? Are you as creeped out as I am from it? It's all CGI work and they have Orville look like a frickin' zombie. If you pause it when he reaches into the microwave, the webbed, liverspotted hands look like they're coming for your brain. It's just dammed freaky. The worst of it is that Rednenbacher's grandson Gary approves of the ad and it's directed by David Fincher, the same man who directed Fight Club and Se7en, according to Cartoon Brew. Well, no wonder this thing is so f'ed up to watch.



I've just been reminded of Mark Evanier's National Gorilla Suit Day on January 31st, in which you wear a gorilla suit, which is like our Goth Girl Blog Day, where we act all mopey and listen to My Chemical Romance. I'm beginning to think that Mark's has the better deal of the two. But at least on Goth Girl Blog Day, we don't have to dress like a Goth Girl. Unless we are girls, then we can dress like that.
Yeah, Mark got the better deal. Because apes are big monkeys. And MONKEYS IS FUNNY.

Teacher's Pet

Well, I went back to class for the first time in twenty years on Wednesday. I have a term paper on cultural diversity due on February 19th ad homework that's due on Monday. So, now I can quit. I said I was going back to collge, but I never said I would stay.


Truthfully, things went pretty well. The two classes I'm taking, "Stratagies For Success" and Psych 101 were simple enough for me to start back with. Not a whole lot of paperwork, lots of discussions, just an ease into the the old grind. I was told by any of the folks at South University that if I had taken three or more classes, I could be overwelmed, so it was best that I stuck with the two and work it from there.

As for study time and homework, I have that planned out. I've set aside that time around 4pm til 6pm on Mondays and Wednesdays, be it at home or at the office if I have to go in those days. Either way, there worn't be too many distractions. As long as I can sit down and get the work done, I'll be happy. In fact, today I have to write a two page biography on a personal hero that's also due in February. Now, IM know how most of your minds work so yes: The paper will be on Stan Lee, so I'm sure to make an A+ on that.

Other than that, it's only been one day. I haven't freaked out yet and I hope that I don't. I'm gonna go at this as positive as possible and do the best work that I can so I can pass. Check back in a few days, though. I may need help talking about thte differences between Aristotle and Plato. It's all Greek to me.

Until then, here's a filmed version of what happened my first day of classes. I will be played by Jackie Cooper and joined by the rest of The Little Rascals in "Teacher's Pet", which really has nothing to do with me at all, but when's the last time you saw Petey the Pup? Hear's the first part...

Here's the second part. By the way, none of my teachers are as hot as Miss Crabtree. If that were the case, I'd go fulltime and join a frat...

And now, the third of our three reeler for those of you with long attention spans. In case you were wondering, I did get to have cake and ice cream after Psychology, so that was a treat...

Monday, January 15, 2007

"Who Is It?"

I start college this Wednesday, so my online time will become more and more limited. I'll return here by Friday, I hope. But until then, here's a funny bit from The Electric Company. Anyone near my age should remember this one. By the way, why aren't kids shows as smart as they were back in the day? Discuss in the comments and I'll catch up with you after class...

Sunday, January 14, 2007

School Daze

The day is getting closer and closer now. I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. I am a nervous wreck as of this moment, although you can't see it. But read between the lines here, people. I start school in less than four days and I am as freaked out as John Kruck at a Ludacris concert.

To paraphrase the "Superchicken" theme song, I knew the tests was dangerous when I took it. I'm glad I did, because I now know I'm still as smart as I once was, and maybe smarter thanks to wise old age. I guess I'm just nervous due to the fact that whatever happens from the first day on, it will change my life incredebly. I just hope that however it all turns out, I'll have a secure future after graduation.

Speaking of graduating, did I ever tell you of my last time striding the boards? Of course not. It's 1984 and I'm finally done with twelve years of public education. I was living with my father and his family at the time and I was glad I got this far along in manhood. The old man could care less. He drove me and the rest of the family to graduation as slow as he could, getting me there as late as possible. The jackhole never really taught me how to drive when I was a teen, thinking that I was a flight risk and I would run off and tell everyone what a jerk he was. Nonetheless, he got us there by the skin of my teeth and I had to fish my way onto the stage to get my diploma. If it wasn't for my school principle seeing me, I would have had my paper mailed to me thanks to Dad.

Anyway, after the Pomp and Circumstances, names where called and finally I got up to get my due after thay called mine. When I walked across the stage to get my diploma, I looked out in the audience to see if anyone was applauding for me. I could see my brothers Martin and Eric, my step mother, and my three kid sisters clapping. However, the old man had a look on his face that said, "Great. Now I gotta pay for college for the bastard. Who does he think he is?" Kinda takes the wind coming thru your gown, doesn't it?

On the way out of the auditorium, the family gave me big hugs and congratulated me for all my hard work, all save the old man. He was quiet until he drove the entire famliy to K-Mart, where he claimed he had to get some car stuff then we'll be going home, so no b.s. in the store. I figured he would have taken us out to celebrate that his first (real) son was his first to finish school, but instead we wound up going back to the house where I was told by him that it was my turn to do the dishes and make sure to fill the dishwasher properly.

I hate to talk about my past and anything that has to do with my father. But I look at those days now and try to make something better out of it. Especially now with me headed back to college. Because when I walk the stage in two years, that muscleheaed old goat won't be around to ruin my day. 'Cause I'm gonna have a real future, for the very first time. If I can just get rid of the butterflies.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

"If you need it, you don't want it."

You know, if you didn't know what this product was before, this ad starring Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead, Brisco County, Jr.) makes you want to get it NOW.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

In My Pants!

I just found out about a site that lists 232 lines from the Star Wars Saga that sound funnier when you use the word "pants". For example...

I find your lack of pants disturbing.
You are unwise to lower your pants.
The Force is strong in my pants.

Pull up! All pants pull up!
I sense the conflict within you. Let go of your pants!
I’ve just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of our pants forever.

These aren’t the pants you’re looking for.

Those are pretty good, but I wonder what would the American Film Institute's 100 Greatest Movie Quotes sound like in "pants"?

Nobody puts Pants in a corner.

I feel the need - the need for pants!

Listen to them. Children of the night. What pants they make.

Forget it, Jake, it's pants.

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into my pants.

Say "hello" to my little pants!

And, my personal favorite...

Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac...It's in the pants! It's in the pants! It's in the pants!

Now, a "mini contest" for you. Find a place for "pants" in a famous quote, be it fictional or not. I'll pick the best out of the bunch and the winner gets a glamourous, one of a kind No Prize to show off to friends and enemies. You've got 'til Wedensday evening at six pm, e.s.t. so get to work. On your pants.

Friday, January 05, 2007

My Stats

Have you guys ever checked out the counter stats on this web page? For a good while last year, I wound up gaining an average of 250 hits a day due to a photo of Paris Hilton I hyperlinked to, but since then, the average view daily is around 70 hits a day, which is nice for a site like this. I don't ask for much, really. I also check out the referral links that bounce back to my page, via Google. Here's some of the more interesting, frequent links...

Paula Deen's Ex Husband ( I've never written about the man, but I'll bet that this guy must be kicking his own butt everytime the woman's on Food Network. Which is at least 5 times a day now. And if he's reading this, bet you'll be nicer now to women, won't you?).

Naked Lyle Waggoner I put that up for the ladies out there two years ago and it seems that women still go for it, for some sad reason. Besides, if I can run a photo of Linda Carter, I have to run this so don't look like a sexist pig...

"Not Google gizzle" I have no clue what what the hell the person who typed that in was looking for or how it got linked to me, but now they have a place to look to.

"Spelling Ellen Claghorn's Name" I guess we all spelled it wrong and Miss C-L-E-G-H-O-R-N wants us all to get it right so she can get someone to remember her from SNL so she can get some quality work finally.

Face it, folks. I've a weirdness magent online as well, it seems. I'll bet if the guys at Blog Savannah knew what they were linking to, they wouldhave run me out of town by now for all my geekiness.

Rock and Roll Never Forgets

The 2007 inductees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year is a good cross section of music over the last forty years. Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five, R.E.M., The Ronettes, Patti Smith and Van Halen are all wonderful choices. The artists who wound up getting left off the list this year were Chic, Dave Clark Five, The Stooges and Joe Tex. Maybe next year for one, if not all of them.

Looking at this list makes me wonder if bands like KISS or artists like Dionne Warwick will ever wind up inductees at some point. I have a dumb, but simple idea: Why not a Pop Music Hall of Fame, with singers, bands and songwriters of the Billboard 40 era all given a chance to get honored. So finally, The Monkees would be able to stand on the same level as The Beatles.

It's a thought...

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

"Allow myself to introduce myself...."


I feel stupid having to introduce myself to my own hometown, but there's an explanation for that, which I'll get to later. First, the intro...

For those of you new here, welcome to the webblog known as Sam-a-rama! I am it's webmaster, caretaker, CEO and bottlewasher, Samuel M. Johnson. The "M" stands for "Magnaminous". You are reading a blog that began June 29, 2004 after deciding that the world needs to hear for more jackholes with their own crackpot opinion. After keepping an eye on a few blogs for a few months (the biggest influence here being Mark Evanier's News From Me), I started work on my own. It was originally called "The Real Sam Johnson Show" which had your typical whining about my personal life. But quickly, I started to post about stuff I liked: Comic books, old TV, bad movies, old time radio, dumb celebrites and Slushies. Soon, I began to gain more readers, especially from the wonderful state of Montana, where I have been called an Honorary Son of The State. From there, the name changed from The R.S.J.S. (which is now the name of my blog for My Space) to what we see now and I haven't looked back.
For those of you who need no intoduction, you may have noticed that new little button the left of your screen below. I have decided to side myself with Blog Savannah, a coalition of local bloggers for more exposure here at home. Truthfully, I have nothing in common with most, if any of the other sites. But, the only other blog from Savannah that I link to here has been Ivan Schreve's Thrilling Days of Yesteryear ( By the way Ivan...I've been trying to leave comments on your page, but for sme reason after posting, it comes back saying "page cannot be found". It may be due to the fact that the computers here are cheap at work, I dunno.). I've called our friendship The League of Savannah Bloggers since we've met and hope to continue our friendship for years to come, but I think I should let the other Savannahians know what I've been doing here. The one think folks hate here is to be left in the dark about anything.
So new reader, what should you expect from Sam-a-rama?
Enbedded videos of old televison;
The verbal thrashing of Dane Cook;
Incoherent writing due to dialysis (almost like now);
My love for Linda Carter

and MONKEYS, MONKEYS, MONKEYS. Because to me, Monkeys Is Funny.

Please have a look at the archives, leave a comment, toss a fish to our mascot on the right Carl Wintergarten and check out the links to the other sites on my blogroll as all of them are worthy.So welcome to my town, Savannah. WELCOME TO SAM-A-RAMA!

Screw this up and I will move this dog and pony show to Billings. They love me there...