Friday, August 31, 2007

Swing WIng-DA REMIX!

You may remember that last week I posted a video of one of the gooiest toys of the sixties called "Swing Wing". I've found out that somefolks have since remixed said commercial for today's kids, though I doubt they'll still bite. Here's the death metal version...

Here's one for the "urban audience". Oh yeah, kids these days are just gonna LOOOVE this.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Savannah Vice

I would love to give a full update on how things have ben this week for me, but there's really not much to tell. I don't have the engery to get around like I should so I've been camping out on the couch with time enough to get a few laps on the stairs to get my strength up. Other than that, It's been quiet at the house, sometimes too quiet for me even.

There has been something good that has come out of my hospital stay and that is I have quit smoking. Mind you, it's something that I should have done a long time ago and I have, but this time I think I'm really done with it. One of the biggest help on quitting has been Chanix, which was presribed to me when I was asked by a doctor in the hospital if I smoked. I told him the truth that I would light up at least a half a pack a day, which isn't bad but the outcome could turn terrible whether you smoke ten cigs a day or ten packs a day. I told the doctor that I'm done smoking and I'll do whatever it takes to stop, So I was prescribed Chantix with one milligram taked twice a day and so far so good. I haven't have a craving for a smoke since and I feel much better for it.

However, it now appears that no longer have any vices to deal with. I don't smoke anymore, I quit drinking, I never really did drugs and my days of shagging from house to house are behind me now. I have no more vices to worry about. Which means I need a need a new one so it doesn't look like I'm a wimp. I think I'm gonna go with being lazy for a bit, them move on to Oreos. That should work for me.

Hey, I never said my vices were pretty.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Real Love

You want to talk about love? Have I gotta doozy for you.

I may have mentioned that many moons ago I had a local cable access television show in town called "Underground Savannah". When I started it up back in 1990, I had only three people for a crew. My bestest freind ever Ronnie Faust, myself and a guy named Kenny Jenkins. Kenny was a little guy around 5'3" and the game plan for him was to use him as my on show flunkie. If there was anything completely stupid that I came up with, he would do it or he would be slapped in the back of his head on camera. I guess you could say that he was Steve O before Steve O was Steve O, though not as body damaging. Nonetheless, as more and more folks came on the show, Kenny just kinf went into the corner and hid out as I was beginnging to work with a large cast. Before you knew it, Kenny had left thae show and faded away. I think he just got tired of being the show goofball and I kind of made him that. Still, he was a pretty funny guy.
Time shift: It's now nearly seventeen years later since that first show and I can't belive how time has gone by (I really don't feel bad about it now that I think of it. The reader should however since the night that I taked the first show, "Beverly Hills, 90210" premiered the same night and I know the reader watched it). It's late May and I get a phone call from Kenny, whom I haven't talked to in sixteen of those years. It turns out he moved to Florida for a bit and he returned to Savannah only a couple of years ago and got my number from my step mom to get caught up. It was really great to hear from him and we talked sbout the old days for a good while.

Okay, let's move to tonight. Kenny calls me with some wild news. He's now married since we last talked. He called me just before I went into the hospital and I couldn't really talk to him at the moment since I was in dialysis, so the call was very short. However, he was calling me to tell me he was getting married that weekend and wanted to invite me. Now, here is the hook of this post. It turns out that he's only been with his new wife now for just over a month. INCLUDING THE TIME THEY MET UP. I'll explain...

They knew each other twenty years ago, however she was married at the time but became a widow. Kenny saw for the first time in ten years at a bus stop and they hit off well. Two weeks later, he manned up and popped the question, to which she said yes, whilch was mindblowing me I told him. A week later, they had a small civil wedding at Kenny's home, which I'll bet was fun. It's been a month now and they are still together as we speak.

I wish Kenny and his wife only the best of luck and love for a long time, I truly do. Most of the readers are seeing this and saying, "Sam, WTF!? They have been together now for over six weeks and they are married! Nothing good will come from this!" Maybe the reader is right and it could blow up in their faces before they know it. I have hope however and I am pretty optimistic these days. I've seen some relationships go sour a lot oer the years, including mine. Maybe once, someone finally got it right and decided to cut to the chase. I don't know, but maybe things will work out well for Kenny and his new wife. If it doesn't, I will be the first to slap him in the back of the head.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


It's been a very tired few dyas for me, but I wanted to poast something that came up just before I went into the hospital. A few months back, I began posting videos on You Tube, specifically classic TV commercials that I had on my comupter. One of those commericals was for a product for Transogram that came out in the mid-sixties called the Swing Wing. Now, I wouldn't call this a toy as it was more like a way to keep your kids quiet for a few minutes. It was kind of like a plastic beanie with some really long ribbons where the propeller should be and just looked goofy. Anyway, after I downloaded the spot to You Tube, it gathered only more than 1,000 viewings which was cool with me. Two Wednesdays ago, the commercial was featured on G4 TV's Attack of the Show, where it was of course attacked for its now cheesy attitude. I didn't forget about the ad when I went in to the hospital, but when I got home to check my email, I noticed I had loads of comments from viewers. In fact, as of today the Swing Wing ad has been viewed more than 39, 000 times. It's not a record or anything, but I think it's very cool. So for your enjoyment, here is the Swing Wing. Stop by my You Tube page and see more Retro Commercials for a laugh or two.

Sunday, August 12, 2007


Bite me if you were waiting until Wednesday for an update. The Central heat and air went out the day I got in from the hospital on Tuesday night and I lived in 93 degree heat for over two days until men came out and put in a new compressor. That's right; I have been through Hell and back. Not to even mention the stroke.

That happened on Two Thursdays ago; I can't remember the date now and I apologise for that. I woke up around 6:30 in the morning and kept hitting the snooze alarm and letting my head hit the pillow, all the while thinking I was drowzy. I finally felt awake around 8 am and tried to get out of the bed. Instead, as my feet hit the floor and I went to get up, I felt loopy and my vision had doubled up. I then quickly fell back to the bed almost hitting the floor and nearly became uncounsious. When I was able to gather my senses, I quickly called the dialysis clinic to see what to do. I was then told by the charge nurse to call an ambulance as fast as I could, which I did the second I got off the phone. They arrived around ten minutes later, placed me on a gurney and sent me off to Memorial Hospital.

After hours in the E.R. with visits to M.R.I. and CATscan rooms where they could find no evidence of a stroke, I was then placed into I.C.U. where I couldn't call out since they don't have phones there and although I had my trusty cell phone by my side, I could only call a limited amount of friends and family before passing out again. Still, I made it though that period, ut with one more problem.

On Friday, I went down to the hospital dialysis clinic to make up for lost time on Thursday, which was safe fopr me. However, my blood pressure dropped to 80/90 which caused the left side of my face to become paralyzed and droop. This is what's called Bell's Palsy. It's a temporary thing, but it's still a risk. I wound up looking like Two-Face and sounded like Charles Lauton in "The Hunchback on Notre Dame". The good thing though was I would be moved into a regular room Friday night and the doctors would see if I would be needing rehab at some point.

The days went by and little by little I was starting to come around more everyday. There was some concern about my blood pressure, but it was regulated by Monday. Thanks to an eye patch over my right eye, my vision slowly came back to me and I was able to see normal again. The paralysis in my face was wearing off and I could speak properly. In other words to quote Amy Winehouse, "They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, No, No, No". I would be sent home on Tuesday evening with an order to take five prescibed drugs and check in for a follow-up with doctors in two weeks. Which all circles back to no freakin' cool air in the house.

Well, it's now Sunday. I have my vision back, but still get a little lightheaded. I have my car back up and running and I can go where I need to. The house is at a cool seventy-seven degrees. But most importantly, I am still alive and posting. Sorry, Nadra Enzi/James "Kippy" Jones III. Your wish did not come true, but thanks for playing the game this round. Here's a box of Rice-A-Roni, The San Fransisco Treat. Shove it up your ass and exit stage left.

I've been through a lot in my life. I ve seen more things than most, but others have seen more than me. Still, it's always been an adventure for me, this life. I have had to change and adapt to make it work for me like a quick change artist. I have also had to learn to stop looking back at the past and also stop trying to look ahead. Face it, you really can't see that far, even with binoculars. One needs to just keep his eyes on now, because it's the only thing a person has a hold of now. Whatever happened already did and whatever happensa will when it's time. Just be there for the now and everything will come out okay in the end. I may not be the perfect example, but hey you could do worse. So in the end, I would like to thank all the doctors and nurses of Memorial Medical Center who took care of me, including Dr. Chad Slaughter, Internal Medicine (perfect name for a guy who has to cure you), Jeff Mc Dermott for keeping an eye on not only the house but my Beta Harry Fassbinder (I was shocked to see he made it through the heat. You really can't kill a Beta at all, thank God), my brothers Anthony and Martin for being family when I really needed them around, everyone who called or tried to call me and said a prayer (You all know who you are) and most importantly, God. I really don't want to hear from Agnostics about this one, but I truly do have faith, always have and always will. It's what gotten me through so many depressing days and nights, but I remembered that all I had to do was pray to help it out. It's cheaper than talking to shrink, believe me.

On that note, I'm done for now. If you know how to get in touch with me by phone, I suggest you do that for the next few days while I take a a good long break and get my energy back up. Meanwhile, I'm going to the movies now to check out "Transformers", then maybe "The Simpsons". I'll talk to you later. Thanks.