Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Some Like It Hot

Here's something I'll bet you never thought about: Is the way you like yuour chili the way yuo live your life?

No, this is not an April Fool's Joke.I may go off on a rant about some crackpot ideas, but this one is a good one. I promise.

I was talking to a friend on the phone yesterday when I told her that I was planning on making a bowl of ol' Texas Red the way I like it. So I made mention that the was way you like your chili says a lot about you. She kind of laughed about it and thought it was kooky. But, I explained thhat it actualy makes sense when you think about it. Yes, I have that much free time on my hands amid all the madness. It was either this or I try to debunk the myth that people really do think Lady Gaga has talent.

Now here's the way I decipher it and if you choose to believe so as well, then you must be a chili lover and you are just as nuts as I am.

If you like your chili with beans, then you're the type of person who believes in the old fashioned way Mama used to make. That makes you a traditional person who believes that the old way are still the good way. There's nothing wrong with that, I would guess. Although, I'd do my best to eat it in a room with open windows.

If you like your chili without beans, then it means you're a no frills kind of person. The kind that doesn't need all the bells and whistles to make themselves happy. You also have lots of friends for to eat chili with in an open room with no windows.

Spice is important with it comes to the chili.There are those who like their chili as hot as the sun. Those are folks who live their lives on the edge. The troublemakes, the danger seekers, the ones who sat in the back of the school bus and set off firecrackers. You wanted to sit at the back of the bus with those guys, but they knew you couldn't hang with them. They gave you a chance but you said,  "Naw. I'd better not so I don't get busted. But I will cover for you." That kid was the one who likes a little spice in his or her life, but they knew that if they get too hot, all Hell would break loose. It's bet to leave the fire to the to the firemen. Those kids live life like there's no tomorrow and eat their chili until they're red in the face.

As for the kids who sat at the front of the bus next to the driver because their mothe rtold them to? Those are the wussies, punks, chickens and pussies who eat what they call chili mild. In fact, if it doesn't have a spice mix of pakrika, cumin, garlic, cayanne, and oregano which is the basis of all chili mixes, then it's a soup. You can add whatever you want to it and yet you cannot take away from it. To do that and you could be banished to sit next to Fat Funky Floyd the School Bus Driver the moment it starts getting hot. You want it spicey, sit next to that sweaty lout for a good bit.

I'm not gonna lie to you that I had a good friend, a REALLY GOOD FRIEND whom I knew for years and years. One day, my Really Good Friend decided that he was going to make chili and he was a master of the Red and asked if I'd like some. "Sure", I says and really good freind starts to make the chili. First, he brings out the frying pan. RIght there, that sends off a Spider-Signal to my brain that something ain't right.

He then proceeds to brown the ground beef, which is okay. There are times where I don't use hamburger for my chili. There are momnts when I like to get all Dr. Frankenstein and throw in some beef for stew, sausage or even ground turkey, but only if I'm that desperate for chili as I hate ground turkey. Either eat it on a sandwich or Thanksgiving, just leave it out of MY food. If Really Good Friend had only done the ground turkey. No.

Really Good Friend then brings out the King of Chili Mixes, Carroll Shelby's Original Texas Brand Chili Mix.. Now, there are those that have their own speical mix and I can't deny that they have the best mix to dump into the pot. But Craroll Shelby's wa sthe first one to come out that had the mix of spice and as much flavor as you want because you could add as much as you liked it. You wanted to use the cayanne, then use it. If you wanted to go all the way, rip the pack open and let fly. This could only come from a top race driver and the only person who could make a Ford Mustang even cooler than what came off the Detriot assembly line. You would think that Really Good Friend would realize that fact. No, he does not.

He opens up the pack and throws in only half the spice bag. That's it just half the spice bag. No masa flour to thicken it. No cayanne to kick it up a notch. Not even salt to flavor. Just ground beef, tomato sauce and half a frickin' bag of spice It wasn't even "chili" at this point. It was a wack-assed sloppy joe mix. It wasn't even worth putting on three day old weenie at an Alabama truck stop at four in the morning on a drive to Cincinati. It had the taste of nothing It was as bland, as boring, as lifeless and as pathetic as my Really Good Friend. From that slice of time, I never really knew Really Good Friend at all. I haven't spoken to him since that horrible night.

What I have transpired to you today is something that we should all sit down and ponder upon. If you really think about this, then it may explain why the epople you know are the people they are. I mean, this is reallyinteligent stuff I thought about. If your family member refuses to even look at a bottle of hot sauce, what does say about you, huh? That's right, live your life to the fullest! Get a little zing! Put some pop in your popper!

I now air my apartment out and overcome some of the fumes I may have ingested from my crock pot yesterday. Yeah, you think abut a lot when you make chili, boy. Deep stuff.


faustina said...

You are SO high off those spicy fumes! Fun read, though!

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